Originally posted by Cirvante
University of Jul
College of Derpa
Spokane, Washington
NAME: Giga "the Echidna" Otomia
DATE: February 25/09
SECTION: I live in the Wood Zone. =\
Instructions: Answer each question as clearly as possible and show all your work. If you don't know the answer, make stuff up. Have fun!
I. Philosophy and Language
Short answer, 25 points:
1. What is a man? (5) Do you want the whole poem, or just "A cesspit of hatred and lies"?
2. Translate the following sentence into English: "Quiero comer huevos calientes." (5) I'm canadian, thanks.
3. What is the meaning of the word "oppai"? (5) No idea.
4. Who is the strongest? (9) Cirno. *bows to Cirno*
5. Pie? (1) 3.141592653589793238462...
II. Mathematical Reasoning
Short answer, 32 points:
1. If

and
,
what does this tell you about the function of love? (8) S'complicated.
2. What trigonometric function best represents Jul's activity? (8) Tangent.
3. Bobbert has three daughters: Melissa, Melinda and Matilda, ages 13, 15, and 17 respectively. According to Murphy's Laws, which one will get knocked up first? (8) None, because they're still sperm. They just haven't left his testicles for the amount of years specified.
4. (8) Half an onion seed and half the amount of sunlight, water, and chlorophyll it takes to do photosynthesis, and half the amount of time it takes for the onion to grow.
III. Physics
Short answer, 30 points.
1. If a skydiver jumps off a plane exactly 3600 meters above sea level, a) What is his velocity at the moment he hits the ground, and b) What is the splatter radius of his internal organs? (10) Depends on how much he weighs, and if it's in an anime or not.
2. Fido throws a projectile forward at an upward angle of 42 degrees. How much Valve time does it take for it to circle around the Earth exactly once and hit him in the back of the head? (6) Eighty years.
3. Davy Jones went diving 30 meters below the surface. If the density of water is 1000 kilograms per meter cubed, what is the hydrostatic force exerted on his body, and how long does he have until he realizes his oxygen tank had a hole and drowns? (8) Let's see. 30000 kg/m^3, and I don't know how long.
4. Renowned Sherpa Jambalaya Whachamahoozit is trying to pull 150 N worth of survival gear over a 50m tall precipice. If the rope weighs 0.93 N*m, how much work must Jambalaya exert to pull the bag all the way up? (6) Lots?
IV. Chemistry
Short answer, 24 points.
1. If 9.30 mol C reacts with 7.43 mol NO3 at STP, how much explosive soap is formed, and how far will the poor schmuck fly? (6) I'm gonna say that 8.375 mol NO3C forms, and the person is thrown over 5 metres.
2. Which has a faster velocity of effusion: a burp, or a fart? (Hint: You might want to consider what you ate for dinner last night.) (8) A fart, if all you ever eat is sandwiches and breaded chicken.
3. Bessie's feeling cold and wants a nice warm drink. Unfortunately, she's in the middle of Buttfucknowhere, Alaska and only has five vials of different solutions: NiCl2(aq) 0.400M, NH3(aq) 0.700M, NaOH(aq) 6.00M, HCl(aq) 3.00M, and C6H10(l). Which of them won't cause her a gastric meltdown? (10) NiCl2(aq) 0.400M.
Using my grade 11 knowledge.
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