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Xkeeper

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Posted on 03-04-18 05:35:30 PM (last edited by Xkeeper at 03-04-18 05:36:06 PM) Link | Quote
Originally posted by Robbie Rage
I completely get this mindset, which is why myself and other clinicians have come to use the term "self care" instead. It's not really nothing; it's rest and refreshment that both your body and mind need. It's just way too easy to get it backwards because of how it's presented.


That's a good point ... it's just difficult to unlearn that sort of behavior when everyone prefers the term "being lazy" instead

(Also, you're a clinician?)

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Robbie Rage

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Posted on 03-04-18 07:53:56 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Xkeeper
That's a good point ... it's just difficult to unlearn that sort of behavior when everyone prefers the term "being lazy" instead

(Also, you're a clinician?)


Sort of. I'm finishing my masters in Marriage and Family therapy, and am currently in residency now. I'm not fully licensed yet, but occasionally I have insights into stuff like this that may be helpful.

In response to the behavior in question, it's more of a misnomer instead of a synonym that I tend to see more in mothers and heads of a household. If you're not doing something / watching the kids / etc, something will break or go wrong (or so the thought goes). This tends to come from rigid expectations about life or something equally deep, and can take some time to work through.
Tarale
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Posted on 03-04-18 08:05:58 PM (last edited by Tarale at 03-04-18 08:06:42 PM) Link | Quote
Originally posted by Robbie Rage
In response to the behavior in question, it's more of a misnomer instead of a synonym that I tend to see more in mothers and heads of a household. If you're not doing something / watching the kids / etc, something will break or go wrong (or so the thought goes). This tends to come from rigid expectations about life or something equally deep, and can take some time to work through.

OH GOD IT REALLY FEELS LIKE THINGS WILL GO WRONG

Some of it IS stuff I do need to get to straight away: the high chair *does* need to be cleaned so there isn't trouble at the next meal. The nappy bin *does* need to be emptied when it's full, because at the next nappy change you have to put that poopy nappy somewhere and you can't take your hands off the baby (so he doesn't roll off the change table) and OH GOD

And some of the kid watching, at this age, is definitely stuff I HAVE to do too. But I know it won't always be like this either. He's 8 months old now and just into everything. My brother came over with his wife and kids yesterday though, and their littlest one is 18 months old and just… straight up does not need as much careful watching.

Some other stuff doesn't need to be done straight away, but staying on top of it does make life easier. It'd be even easier again if my husband helped out more. Some of this stuff is little, five minute things, but when they are all on one person they add up fast.

And all of this, I'm told, will be much less intense when the baby is not a baby.

I've gotten some of the "straight away" things clean so I'm going to do that meditation I said I'd do every day.

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Robbie Rage

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Posted on 03-04-18 08:14:46 PM (last edited by Robbie Rage at 03-04-18 08:16:18 PM) Link | Quote
Originally posted by Tarale
And some of the kid watching, at this age, is definitely stuff I HAVE to do too. But I know it won't always be like this either.


Italicized for emphasis. Kids absolutely need lots of care attention at 8 months old. It's when parents or whomever can't adapt or shut the instinct off as the child gets older (aka treating the child as an 8-month old at 8 years) is when problems happen. Given the way you've been describing things though, it sounds like you're doing a good job and you've got a good bead on things.

Just remember to take some time to refresh yourself every now and then, and I'm sure you'll do just fine.
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Posted on 03-04-18 08:32:49 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Robbie Rage
Originally posted by Tarale
And some of the kid watching, at this age, is definitely stuff I HAVE to do too. But I know it won't always be like this either.


Italicized for emphasis. Kids absolutely need lots of care attention at 8 months old. It's when parents or whomever can't adapt or shut the instinct off as the child gets older (aka treating the child as an 8-month old at 8 years) is when problems happen. Given the way you've been describing things though, it sounds like you're doing a good job and you've got a good bead on things.

Just remember to take some time to refresh yourself every now and then, and I'm sure you'll do just fine.


Thanks! I feel like I'm doing OK (minus the PPD), but I need to keep reminding myself that it won't always be like this too. Like, out loud. Often. Because it really feels like forever when you're in the middle of it. It feels like there is no end to the work, the exhaustion, the watching, the cleaning, the walking to playgroup, the little routines.

So I tell myself, out loud, it won't always be like this. And I say it on forums.

And the meditation went well, and I'm feeling a bit refreshed. I have also come to an agreement with my husband to give me some sleep-ins on weekends.

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Posted on 03-05-18 12:14:17 AM Link | Quote
(+) We've been recommended zazen and metta by a close friend of ours, but we haven't managed to really take it up yet.
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Posted on 03-06-18 08:23:59 PM Link | Quote
Well, I think the meditation is… kind of… helping? It's still hard to tell, but it's still early. I do feel relaxed afterwards.

I notice a lot of the thoughts that arise are usually about things I need to do…

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Posted on 03-07-18 10:19:54 PM Link | Quote
That might stick around for a while, but I have to ask what consists of your meditation regimen.

Depending on what you do, it might have a different / incomplete effect.
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Posted on 03-07-18 11:27:13 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Robbie Rage
That might stick around for a while, but I have to ask what consists of your meditation regimen.

Depending on what you do, it might have a different / incomplete effect.

Usually stuff focused on the breath, scanning the body, or listening, pretty short (10 minutes, 20 if I'm lucky), snatched in the brief moments the baby sleeps, and sometimes it's interrupted.

I am not surprised it is not having a significant effect at this stage, let's put it that way. Mostly I think it's just helping my body relax so I feel just rested enough to keep on with this hectic pace.

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Jul - General Chat - Meditation New poll - New thread - New reply


Rusted Logic
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