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Jul - General Chat - Where am I going in life? New poll - New thread - New reply
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Arisotura
Member
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Since: 02-24-13

From: your dreams

Since last post: 90 days
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Posted on 08-18-16 12:39:22 PM Link | Quote
This would be Officer Club material, but uh, it was axed, so here we go.



Back to 2011. Out of school, I passed the final exam, all cool. I have to choose a course in university/engineering school. I'm lost among all the possible choices. I enjoy geeking and coding so it seems natural that I make my life into that. I go to that public engieering school my parents recommend me. Okay, not terribly bad...

... except that if you want to be a developer, you're fucked. The engineering school trains you to be the perfect manager, so you can go create a start-up to sell smart Q-tips. I later went to university, but they want to get you into research.


Where am I now? Over time, I have lost most of my will to code. blargSNES was my most successful project and probably my last one.

My course is a failure. Friends from the engineering school are already finishing their course and getting an intership or job. I have failed two years. I moved to a different place where the local university rejected me with a bullshit pretext.

My resume is worthless. I'm a beginner with zero experience, an unfinished and chaotic course, two worthless internships in dad's company, and crap projects that are either dumb assignments or my ever-unfinished side projects. Any rival I will have will have a neatly finished course, interesting internships, amazing projects to show off, all that.

During an interview, I can't even sell myself. I look and sound like the idiot with no self-confidence. If I try to speak my nice discourse, I just end up looking like a fool who's unaware of the reality.

Long story short, my interest for coding has vanished, and I will never get a job in that domain.


I have kept wondering about all this for a while. I talked about it to my parents. Dad said that I should take time to figure out what I want to do in life; good point. Mom brushed it off as "you say that because it's getting hard and you're lazy"; typical from her.

I moved away from them because mom's bullshit was getting on my nerves (basically trying to force me into her way, etc). Had I stayed home, I would have been enticed and pressured to continue univ and retry the year I failed, only to fail again.


I have one last hope to get a job as a developer. I don't have too high hopes, but who knows? I should know by the end of the week.

If that fails, I'll work a 'crapo' job for this year. Basically whatever I'd need to sustain myself.


What to do for the next year though?

Applying to univ again? Their course is less sucky than the one I was in last year. I have a feeling they'll trash me again, but can always try I guess.

Saying "fuck that shit" and going a completely different way? I could be a plumber or work into electricity or whatever. I have always enjoyed building things and helping my parents renovate their house (and in the shithole they live in, it atleast gave me something to do). It's more fulfilling than sitting at a computer all day long (interneting and geeking around is really less fulfilling for me than it was back in 2011, too).


Dunno. Any advice is welcome on this matter.

____________________
Kuribo64 -- NSMB2 hacking and other crap
SamEarl13

Nipper Plant
Trying (and failing) to learn Lua.
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Posted on 08-18-16 08:22:33 PM Link | Quote
I feel the same way so I can't really give any advice other than don't worry too much or you'll get burned out. I too can never get a job and don't see any future where I do, my college business course (which I was forced to do) failed because 1 of the teachers was an idiot and I'm stuck living with a super paranoid nan who not only has full control over my ESA but won't let me get a bank account or debit card. Keep trying to do what you love, I wanted to learn art but after something that happened ages ago I didn't draw anything for a few years and now I'm absolutely terrible at it.

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I was finding files in old PS1 games before my CD drive died and made a disc explode.
Arisotura
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Since: 02-24-13

From: your dreams

Since last post: 90 days
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Posted on 08-18-16 09:48:10 PM Link | Quote
Then you get those guys saying "you need to send 100 job applications a day or you're a lazy hopeless bum!!".

Which kind of implies there are job offers to begin with.

People keep saying that the way to go is "word of mouth", which means that in my current situation (no friends beyond "those guys you hang around with but they don't give a shit about you" and no ability to make such friends), I have zero chance of getting a job.

Oh well.


Can't you get a bank account by yourself? According to your profile, you're 22. Or does your country require parental approval for these things?

If I can give you advice in that domain, look up how to do these things on your own, independently from your parents. The typical overprotecting, overcontrolling parent would tell you that "it's very complicated and you don't really need it".


As for "keep trying to do what you love": the real question is, do I love geeky stuff or is it just a mere hobby I eventually got sick of? My will and creativity are like depleted. My parents get me shit like raspis but I end up doing nothing with them because I have no idea what to do.

I also always want to fill niches with my projects. It doesn't end well. When the niche is all new, someone else fills it before me because I lack the willpower to get a project going in time. There are older niches to fill, but generally any work in these domains gets very little interest. Working on something noone cares about gets me tired quick.

For example, I could port blargSNES to the raspi. But I have a feel of 'why bother?'. I mean, you can probably just compile Snes9x and that'll be good enough for most people. The blargSNES emulation core is still inferior to those popular emulators; the main benefit of blargSNES was being able to run on a 3DS at acceptable speeds, and by running it on a more powerful platform you take that benefit away. Hell, even on the New3DS there's no advantage to using blargSNES over other emulators.

____________________
Kuribo64 -- NSMB2 hacking and other crap
SamEarl13

Nipper Plant
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Since: 02-14-12


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Posted on 08-18-16 10:23:17 PM Link | Quote
Yep, I can get those problems too except with no offline friends at all. Sadly when you think like that your hobbies eventually become nothing but distractions because it feels like there's nothing else to do. I find doing things for other people helps a bit if you want to try asking people here but I doubt that will help if you get ignored. Everything's a double edged sword at this point.

As for the bank account business, I live in the UK so I could probably get one but Nan is nosey and while she's a good person overall she's threatened to kick me out on multiple occasions for merely disagreeing with her. On top of that the council has already told me if Nan ever moved to a bungalow instead of the flat we're in now they wouldn't help me at all and I'd practically be homeless.

____________________
I was finding files in old PS1 games before my CD drive died and made a disc explode.
Zero One
5170
And as we fall the spirit carries on,
That a hero'll come and save us all,
As we call the ones we left below,
We all dream of the day we rise above
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From: Delta Quadrant

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Posted on 08-19-16 05:45:26 AM Link | Quote
Goddamn. Minus losing the will to code, we're in pretty similar situations. My university course was garbage, though the student loans I took out paid for a shitton of VERY powerful equipment and software, but now I'm a graduate, I have no job prospects because my side-projects are basically unfinished garbage, and I have no work experience in the industry, so nobody wants to hire me to give me the experience.

I've had to apply for a job-seeking benefit because I have no money, and I'm starting an 8-week placement which basically involves helping people job search, which may involve people who barely even have a concept of what a mouse is. It's a pretty significant step down from "games developer", but fuck, I can't start anywhere else.

I'd definitely go with the approach of trying to figure out what you want to do. I'd suggest signing up to job-seeking/temp agencies and see if you can get part-time or temp jobs to keep you in money while you figure out what you want to do. You may find that doing these jobs makes you want to program more.

____________________
This is a Heisenberg post. I know I posted this really fast, but I don't know where...

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Arisotura
Member
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Posts: 337/614
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Since: 02-24-13

From: your dreams

Since last post: 90 days
Last activity: 48 days
Posted on 08-19-16 02:01:13 PM Link | Quote
The best part is that that kind of experience may not even help you get further, because the companies who hire developers/etc will want experience in the particular domain they're hiring into.

Reminds of Wednesday's interview, and the bullshit I was told.

"you need to choose one language and stick to it!!!" yeah well, maybe I'm just trying to get a job? I hate this, it really feels like if you don't have kickass life plans, you're an idiot with no sense of reality. Like "you moved here because you liked the place? I would only move somewhere if I had a job opportunity there or a very good reason".

The best part was when I was advised to go take internships that don't exist.


I have one last hope to get a job as a developer. I don't have too high hopes, but who knows? I should know by the end of the week.

Still nothing, smells pretty bad. I'll ask Monday if nothing happens. Will probably mean that they'll reject my application or let it rot forever.


I hope the 'crapo' jobs (local supermarket, etc) don't also require me to be referred to by friends I don't have. Making friends would take me more time than I can afford to stay here without a job.

Then again, it's said that the companies offering these jobs receive hundreds of resumes. Meaning that they'll pick the best one, ie. not mine. Well, can always try. They picked my sister and she didn't go as far as me regarding studies... then again, maybe she was referred to by a friend, because unlike me, she didn't fail her socialization.



SamEarl13: that definitely sucks. You'll need a carefully planned plan to get out of that shit.

____________________
Kuribo64 -- NSMB2 hacking and other crap
Arisotura
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Posts: 349/614
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Since: 02-24-13

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Posted on 09-08-16 10:33:42 PM (last edited by StapleButter at 09-08-16 10:40:00 PM) Link | Quote
I have already posted about it, but the aforementioned 'last hope' company trashed me. Ubisoft did too. Blah blah not enough experience blah blah.

So, applying to local shiz.

Some telecom shop, whatever it does. I figured it sold shit like phones and plans, but it also had computers with people using them, and a weird series of doors.

Nearby bar/restaurant. Standard shit. Not very busy.


I'm less sure about what to do next year though.

Would make sense to finish what I started and try being a developer, right? Dad thinks so.

* Would take me two more years. I think studies to be an electrician or whatever last that much. No real time loss.

* Local univ immediately trashed me. May very well trash me again next year. And it gives me a strong feel of 'fuck that shit'.

* Lost will to code, all that jazz. Developer jobs are all about hipsterweb and mobile crap, that doesn't help.

* Diploma doesn't matter anyway! They only care about experience. Or being friends with the right person in the company. Although univ would give me a chance to do internships.

* The more my parents bother me about that and the more I feel like saying 'fuck that shit' out of spite. They keep trying to shove me into it under the pretext of "don't waste your talent". My 'talent' is mostly being able to figure out shit on my own, that's not specific to coding or computers.


Mom thinks I failed those years previously because I'm a lazy fuck who can't be assed to learn new things and work on them.

Which is wrong. Admittedly I'm lazy, but I can learn new things and work on them. If they're related to what I want to do, that is. High school shoves enough useless crap down students' throats already.

So, why should I learn economics if I want to be a developer? Which included writing a whole fucking memoir about it, only to have the bitch economics teacher shoot it down because it's not perfect.

Or why should I learn database engine internals? Okay, it's closer to what I want to work in, and learning about databases makes sense. But fucking database engine internals? It's useless unless you want to work for Oracle. It's all shit like "here's a SQL query, guess what happens internally. and write a 12-page essay to justify each answer". Under the pretext of optimizing things. It's faster to do a benchmark than to remember all that bullshit.

But, no. Mom sucks up to the system and comes up with justifications as to why it's not useless and it's me being a lazy fuck. Completely oblivious to the fact that the system itself is increasingly obsolete. French school is falling apart.

Another part of it was mom's pressure. Made me feel like I was working on that shit for her and not for me, which... didn't really motivate me. I'm not a goddamn kid.

She has yet to learn what 'to motivate' means.

____________________
Kuribo64 -- NSMB2 hacking and other crap
Zero One
5170
And as we fall the spirit carries on,
That a hero'll come and save us all,
As we call the ones we left below,
We all dream of the day we rise above
Level: 129


Posts: 4988/5173
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Since: 05-24-10

From: Delta Quadrant

Since last post: 1.5 years
Last activity: 118 days
Posted on 09-09-16 02:26:24 PM Link | Quote
I would personally suggest trying a software course at university. I really, really hated University, but companies out there are looking for graduates. I've just been invited on to a graduate course that has a 12-week free training course, and then a guaranteed 2 year contract for quite a good chunk of money, assuming I get through an assessment day next week, but I'm basically there already.

It'll suck, but people want graduates.

Also, "hipsterweb and mobile crap"? You might need to open your eyes, and perhaps get off your high horse a bit. There are /loads/ of people looking for C++/C#/Java developers for desktop software, not just web and mobile. If you're looking for a job in a highly competitive field, you can't afford to be picky and reject perfectly good opportunities just because hurr durr hipster, especially since once you have some of that experience, it becomes easier for you to switch to the jobs you DO want. This job I might be getting isn't remotely connected to games, but it'll give me money, and most importantly, it'll give me a LOT of experience, which will look good no matter what kind of software I specialise in.

____________________
This is a Heisenberg post. I know I posted this really fast, but I don't know where...

My games development portfolio and my MonoTroid engine

My YouTube Channel
My Twitch. Check it! 3DS Code: 2879-0110-5138
Arisotura
Member
Level: 49


Posts: 350/614
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Since: 02-24-13

From: your dreams

Since last post: 90 days
Last activity: 48 days
Posted on 09-09-16 07:34:41 PM Link | Quote
I want to be atleast somewhat proud of what I build. How could I be proud of a 'modern' website that can fry a Core i7?


As for the jobs that aren't web or mobile... there are few of them. They're generally reserved to senior devs.


I'm also sick of putting up with all the garbage they make you go through. Ok, I failed the previous year of univ. Now, I apply to another univ, and they immediately trash me for no reason (so much for the 'univ accepts anybody' crap), giving me another year of penalty entirely gratuitously.

Hey, you're having trouble with your course? We'll give you even more trouble because fuck you!

Why should I put up with that garbage? This shit is already sucky enough, I don't need gratuitous penalty.

I'm done. The univ can go fuck itself.

____________________
Kuribo64 -- NSMB2 hacking and other crap
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