I am with the others on this... I can summarize all of your faults and the reason you're not doing well into one word: arrogance
People are not going to like you because of it. Women are going to get turned off by it. College essays and job applications that show off your arrogance will turn off reviewers. Nobody likes an arrogant person, and you're not going to succeed anywhere if you keep imagining yourself as perfect and blaming your failures on bad luck or others cheating. Others do better than you because you're far from perfect and too arrogant to notice.
I tend to keep my arrogance deeply under control where it matters (ie college essays and job apps), but sometimes its rears its ugly head in real life. Like since Chemistry class.
Originally posted by Gabu
How would you know if those claims are false or not? Believe it or not mental disorders aren't consistent in their presentation. And it could be that those disorders are what put and kept him in the [situ]ation that he currently is. It might be a good idea to try and convince your brother to take a more active approach to deal with said disorders (while not calling him a loser in the process)
Lastly a question: Are all those personality disorders officially diagnosed? I'm asking because it doesn't sound clear whether they were or you're just diagnosing them yourself to explain their behaviors. Either way, it might be good to suggest some community based treatments and other methods of helping.
Unfortunately, yes, my brother's personality disorders were "officially" diagnosed by a psyciatrist/psychologist. Though, I have a strong feeling that some of those were misdiagnosed, due to psychiatrists tending to blow words and actions out-of-proportion from their original context. I saw the disorders listed on a psych-eval report one day, which he left on his room's floor, when I was taking the laundry downstairs to the laundry room. Inside a brochure which was adjacent to that psych report, I also saw that he was on the verge of enrolling (either by order of the psychiatrist or by personal choice? IDK) into some kind of communnity-based living plan, which really threw a red-flag in my mind. From what I gathered from the information in the community-based plan brochure, the living quarters sounded like a psych ward/jail, with no personal freedoms. Is he so desperate and ashamed to live at home that he would rather voluntarily go into a psych ward in order to begin "living on his own"  ? Even a simple job at Wendy's would fix his financial, mental, and employment problems. Earning his Bachelor's Degree will fix 90% of his problems. (Our family keeps our laundry basket in my brother's room, since his bedroom is the biggest.)
= = = = = = =
The good news is that since I wrote the OP, I have moved into my dorm at RMU's Yorktown Residence hall, and am much more calmer right now than the state I was in when I wrote the OP. However, only 1 month into the new University, I have already met major, overwhelming problems since the OP. Especially financially.
Prior to April 12, 2013, two days before my 21st birthday, I was registered as a commuter student for RMU. As a commutter, my projected balance (minus the financial aid of $10,000 that I had), was $16,250 left unpaid, because I failed to snag enough scholarships, like with the other "responsible honor students" that father worships. I registered for the Monthly Payment Plan (MPP) for tution payment: 10 months of payments equaling ~$2753.53 per month, given out on the 15th of each month, and due at the end of each month. On April 12, 2013, after some homelife shit with father, I promptly and independently acted and changed my status to Residential status. His action was the last straw for me staying at home, two days before my 21st birthday, dammit. That action, as well as other factors, such as the quest to date women and eventually get married, the driving distance and the dangerous highways of Moon Township/Pittsburgh, the appeal of 100s of clubs on campus, the appeal of dorms as seen on Big Bang Theory, my green-eyed jealousy of all my friends moving out to big universities and living on campus while I am stuck alone at ye'old hometown, and most importantly the fact that studies show that dormers have better grades, persuaded me to change my status. Now, due to changing to residential status, I owe more $. I registered to goto any of the three cheapest Rez Halls available; however, all transfer students (myself included) and most Freshmen were assigned to the Yorktown Residence Hall, which is the newest, most expensive Rez Hall of all! The accomodations are okay.
Also, when I signed up for the MPP, I was unaware that the payments would begin over Summer 2013, rather than at the beginning of the semester. I received a rude MPP letter in the mailbox on the same day that I got fired from my 1st summer job, which was excellent timing :rolleyes:. (It was a terrible summer for employment. I had 3 summer jobs, due to being fired from the first two. I was underqualified on my first, and lost my temper with a customer on the second. My 3rd and current job is part-time as a Chinese delivery boy for a local Chinese restaurant called Taiwan 101. It's a low-stress, easy, fun job, with good tip$!). Due to being totally unprepared for those first 3 payments, I had to borrow $8,100 from my irate father, which I still owe him  . He said that I am on his "shitlist". On a positive note, I did manage to earn my Associate's degree from the community college. However, it is an empty victory, due to that degree being in General Studies, due to failing the evil Chemistry I class. It should have been A.S. for Pre-Engineering. I now have to bank everything on this Bachelor's in Science Degree, for Software Engineering.
And, at the beginning of the semester, I still had $16,250 left unpayable at the time on my balance. Due to father's cheapness, lack of financial support in his own son's education (other than the $8,100), and refusal to take out several parent+ loans like most normal families, I was forced to sign out for an evil private loan from Citizens' Bank in order to cover the remaining balance. The fact that I enrolled into RMU, set my status to Residential, enrolled into the MPP Plan, and did not bring my parents to the various meetings to do these things nor informed them much, did not help. The last time they tried to "help" me in school, I ended up with Diabetes. (That is a long, complicated story and a series of unfortunate but stupid events.) Due to my utter refusal to establish a credit history and get an evil credit card within the past two years, father had to co-sign on the loan in order for me to get good enough credit for loan approval. (I prefer debit cards over credit cards anyday. Credit cards destroyed the economy.) The loan is a 15-year, variable-interest, deferred loan. After graduation, the monthly loan bills are projected to be ~$140.00, which is quite affordable. I can begin paying now, voluntarily, and elimate most of my debt now. However, if I do not pay a monthly bill, father is legally responsible to pay for it, which makes him irate. In his email following up on the private loan, father said that he "reluctantly" co-signed the loan. I know that he won't pay for a missed bill and I do not expect nor request him to do so. My brother's private loans that my brother blows off are not being paid by father. And, if by some chance I fail college and am unable to pay too many months of bills, I goto Federal Deadbeat Prison, get a record, get diabetic complications, do not get a job due to record, become a hobo, and then die. Graduation from the University has now become a do-or-die mission, just like High School !
Also, life on campus has been very hectic. Campus life can be stressful, however. Every morning, Monday to Thursday, I have a Calc III class at 8AM, which is way too early in the morning for me. Most of the time, I am late for the class, which only lasts 1 hour to begin with. When I am there, I am too tired to even understand the content. Sometimes, I even entirely sleep through my alarm and miss class. The professor has already threatened to academically withdraw me from her class, so I am on thin ice. Also, I work mornings part-time at Taiwan 101 on Sundays, Mondays, and Wednesdays from 11AM-3PM, and evenings on Tuesdays from 4:30PM-8:30PM. Moreover, on the side, I belong to the local Association of Computing Machinery (ACM) chapter, belong to the local Epsilon Tau Pi Eagle Scout fraternity, and am creating the CPU&GPU Club as its President/Founder. Campus life is busy!
Like with all of my other former colleges and schools, I am excelling academically, but am failing socially. I have some friends, but I never see them out of class or out of their respective clubs. Being a transfer student, I do not know anyone at the cafe other than a few former high school classmates, and everyone seems to be huddled in their own impenetrable cliques at lunch. Just like high school . I've also tried to date some girls, but the first two I tried were already taken at the very beginning . Also, this year, RMU got invaded by a record-high amount of 1000, irresponsible, partying, horny [strike]Fresh[/strike]Dirtmen, who continually invade the limited parking lots, like a plague of locusts.
And dorm life. For the most part, dorming with my Minnesota roomate, "MrColonial", has gone quite well. MrColonial occasionally has the honor of beta-testing my programming projects  , and we had fun the other day resurrecting his YLoD PS3. But dorm life usually is boring. Unlike in Big Bang Theory, we never have anyone over, and we never goto anyone else's room. Other than events on campus, neither of us have been invited with other students to explore the places and restaurants of Pittsburgh. One of the things I really looked forward to in migrating to Pittsburgh is exploring the city and getting out of Boringville, but neither of us have enough friends nor the time. And all he does in his spare time, after homework and work are done, is go play GTA5. If I wanted to play videogames all day, I would have stayed home. A major reason why I migrated to RMU is to have a social life for the first time in my life, but the plans have fallen flat. I still find it odd that many of the local RMU students go back home for the weekend. So, they dorm for the week, and then drive 10 miles back to home? That kind of defeats the purpose. Oh wait, nevermind, I do that... Work is located at home.
And already, 1 month into our semester, MrColonial and I have had three major arguments. The first was when I discovered that he brought some kitchen cutting knives with his luggage into the dorm. The last thing I want is for security to discover the contraband and for both of us to get expelled from college and goto jail, and have my future flushed away due to this purely stupid and ignorant act! This ain't Minnesota, MrColonial! Zero tolerance policy on all weapons nationwide in all colleges and schools all the time, forever. I was micrometers away from doing the right thing and telling the RHA and getting him expelled for his ignorance, regardless of those knives' cooking intent. The second argument was when I, supposedly, used his bathroom towel twice and he practically got an aneurysm over it. I didn't use his towel. He wrote "Stop using my towel, fag" on the dorm room's whiteboard. He cowardly ran like a girl and tattled to the female RHA about it, instead of directly addressing the issue to my face. He claims to be an Eagle Scout; my ass. My ego reared its ugly head, and I reminded him that he has illegal contraband (kitchen knives) in his room, for which I can get him expelled for at any time, that a price of two people living in a dorm is greater than one person living alone in a dorm, and that my credentials are much greater. The RHA came and we had a quick talk. MrColonial then promptly removed the illegal kitchen knives from the dorm. There was also a minor argument when he tried and failed at removing the super-glued HD LCD TV from the dresser, which was there back when the Rez Hall was Holiday Inn. Our $100 dorm insurance would have to had pay for it, if he broke it.
The last and most explosive argument was today, when he discovered the dark, forbidden secret of my Enuresis. It is soely due to a weakened pancreas from poorly managed diabetes and blood sugars. A large reason mother and others put me on Adderall and a huge amount of other shit, which eventually made me a Type II diabetic for life, was her and other's paranoia that my Enuresis was a psychological sign of the Macdonald Triad of Sociopathy. I am not exaggerating here. At work, MrColonial texted me
MrColonial: "Tell me staight forward, did you [urinate] your bed?"
Wrong question, man; you just hit a very raw nerve. I intentionally ignored replying to this text, and my acknowledgement of his discovery soured my entire day. I was about to send him an angry, maxed-out, 500-character text message, but decided against it. He later sent:
MrColonial: "You need to buy a new mattress and talk to a RHA rep. You need help, dude."
I assumed that he was mocking my mental health rather than my physical health, and was making connections that weren't there (ie the Enuresis part of the McDonald Triad). So I was in an angry panic thinking that he would tell the RHAs about the bedwetting, that they would scream "Sociopath!" and send me to a psychiatrist, and then redo everything that I did to undo the damage done during high school with certain meds. I worried that the High School nightmare of 11th grade woud "reincarnate" itself at the college level, to speak metaphorically. Or worse, that the RHA girls or MrColonial would spread rumors that Tamkis has Enuresis and destroy my social image, or expel me from the Rez Hall, due to the cop out of being a "health hazard." Can I conquer the academic challenges of college? Yes I can. Can I make subs at Subway? Yes, I can. Academics>Enuresis. Also, these matresses are expensive.
So, with my spontaneous anger inflating, in order to get even for MrColonial writing "fagg" after I "used" his towel, and in order to shut the possibility up of him spreading bedwetting rumors, I wrote on our public whiteboard:
"Hello World! I am [MrColonial], and I am Autistic, because I have ADHD (Assinine Dick Head Disorder). I am an academic and financial conman because I abuse illegal Amphetamines (aka brain steroids) and cheat at life and college. I also love kinky men, because I am gay and Assinine.
[-----Red line-----]
Keep your nose where it belongs (literally)
-[MrTamk1s] the first, the Landlord
"
MrColonial (ab)uses Amphetamines in order to cheat at college and essentialy get stoned, due to his "recent evaluation" of him being ADHD. I recently took myself off the Adderall; why did I get him for a roomate? Whatever. All the Rez students received an email about the Federal Laws about financial aid and drug abuse. "Students" caught using beer, smoking, or using any other illegal substance (ie Amphetamines) will lose their financial aid and become stoned hobos forever.
So I sent (paraphrased):
"IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOUR FUTURE, KEEP YOUR NOSE WHERE IT BELONGS (LITTERALLY). I CAN TERMINATE THE DORM CONTRACT AT ANYTIME. ($Dorm/1 person)>($Dorm/2ppl). IF YOU THINK I AM WETTING THE BED DUE TO THE MCDONALD TRIAD, YOU ARE A F O O L! IT IS DUE TO DIABETES."
McColonial sent back a message; I ignored it. I fled back home in order to sleep over for the night. Jasmine, the female Cockatiel, was making cute whistling noises and being cudly, as we really missed each other. (Sadly, she is the only smart member of the family, lol.) I talked to my parents about changing my status back to commuter. I am overwhelmed by the notion of having $1000s of debt, and can't stand the 'land of idiocy" that the Freshmen in our Rez Hall live in, and have given up on socializing. I have too much culture shock with the lifestyle of University students. And all the students treat RMU with such an exciting ectasy as if it were Disneyland. It is college; get a straight-jacket. Father basically said to work things out with MrColonial; go back to the dorm. I then read MrColonials message (paraphrased)
MrColonial: "I know it is due to diabetes. I was just trying to help. Your diabetes is uncontrolled. Stay at home for the next two days; I will be gone when you are back"
I am currently at the computer room at 2:00AM at the Rez Hall, and will be going back to the dorm in a few minutes, to face my doomed fate. I wouldn't be surprised if something stupid happens, such as the security guard cuffing me and charging me with "crimes against freshmen" for bedwetting. I wasted $15 on Depends today. He should be asleep by now, and I may be able to sneak in, and then face the problems in the morning, before that darn Calc III class. And now I have a major stress migrain, and a difficult solution to make. I realize my gigantic ego essentially booted my roommate out of our dorm and bit his head off, and then ate it. He and the RHAs are going to have an psychotic OCD episode, now that they know some "sociopath" named [Tamkis] wets the bed. I do not think me saying "sorry" is enough to fix the problem this time . I do not know if MrColonial is moving in with another dormer, or is withdrawing entirely out of RMU, and heading back to Minnesota. Leaving me behind with twice the cost of dorm, and him throwing his future away due to my faults and his OCD. He must think I like wetting the bed; I don't. My head hurts, and I can't think. I think I am turning into my cheap, arrogant, crude father. So many regrets today...
____________________
"For he who serves his fellows, is of all his fellows, greatest"
--- Urner E. Goodman |
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