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Jul - Craziness Domain - How to Bullshit Your Way Through Any Essay New poll - New thread - New reply
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Dan Hibiki
1190
Talks mostly in pictures.

"I dislike the art of fighting, but I want to be the king of fighters!"
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Since: 07-22-07


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Posted on 04-11-08 11:23:02 PM Link | Quote
Originally Posted on Pointlesswasteoftime forums:

If there is one thing college kids neglect the most, besides basic diet and hygiene, it’s the homework assignment essay. Hastily written and utterly unedited the night before it’s due, the modern essay has become something of a nightmare for lackadaisical college students. But writing an essay that seems like it was written by someone with more than a double-digit IQ is not nearly as difficult as it seems, I assure you.

Even the laziest Guitar Hero II god can whiz through an essay that reads like it was written by F. Scott Motherfucking Fitzgerald. What seems difficult and scary is actually as simple and accessible as you can want. All you really have to do is half-ass it. Unless you actually want to spend valuable time researching and penning a paper that’s only going to be skimmed over by some asshole assistant professor, you can follow these five simple steps on how to bullshit your merry way through any essay.

1)The introductory paragraph. Now, don’t panic about this simply because you think it’s the first thing you have to write. It isn’t. You can write an entire paper and come back to this at the end, copying and pasting sentences you’ve already written, and rewording them slightly to make it seem as if you’re a genius who planned the entire essay in your head well before you wrote it. We’ll know the truth, but the assistant prof won’t know the difference. Fuck him.

2)The thesis. I always laugh when I hear people complain about not being able to write a thesis. It couldn’t be simpler—you just make an argument that will be easy to support. That’s it. There’s no complicated formula for figuring out how to argue a thesis. You just think of something to say, and stick with it. Writing the thesis in a formal way is even easier than this, in that you don’t even have to say anything original or intelligent. These three magical words will make even the weakest thesis seem like an argument from God Himself: “I submit that”. Ka-pow! It’s not too forceful and no too weak. It strikes just the right humble, self-assured note, and doesn’t take any brainpower to alter slightly as needed. Example: “I submit that marijuana should be legalized because…” Simple.

3)Topic sentences. Jesus Christ, I can’t think of anything easier than topic sentences. Think of them as miniature theses that don’t matter as much as the original. All you have to do is reference what you’re preparing to write about. It’s like a half-ass title for your paragraph. You don’t even really have to say anything factual. There are ways to avoid this little pitfall, like using words or phrases that are inherently meaningless—“statistically”, or “According to X expert on the subject”. Sometimes you can be clever with the topic sentence and say things like, “Theoretically, date rape is only a bad thing if she knows about it.” Then you write four or five sentences supporting this topic sentences. Get it? You didn’t say fucking anything, but it still seems as if you put an awful lot thought into it.

4)In-text quotes and citations. This is where the true bullshit artist in everyone comes out. If you’re running low on things to say, or if House is coming on, you can just throw in a few quotes from various people that you may or may not have made up on the spot. As long as you have a legitimate source of these “ghost quotes”, you can pretty much say whatever the hell you feel like. This is especially useful if you’ve chosen a thesis that’s the dumbest fucking thing anyone has ever read—you lead them in thinking that they’re reading a load of nonsense, and then BAM! You nail them with a quote by some expert on the subject that perfectly mirrors your thesis. Everybody hates to be wrong, though, so you’ll have to get clever with it and not use famous names. Don’t make any names up, either, because one single click on Google can fuck your shit right on up.

5)The conclusion. This is where you set the essay on coast and just drift on through until the end. Sure, it’s the end of the paper and the part that people are most likely to remember, but so what? What’s so vital about it? You’ve already written your conclusion, son! I wouldn’t lie to you. Just look at your thesis—it’s all right there. Just reword it slightly, copy and paste a few of your less-stupid passages, and that’s fucking it.

Slap some page numbers on that bitch and load a bowl--your essay is done.

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Cirvante
1340
Feel the wrath of eternal damnation please! I would appreciate that very much thank you!
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Posted on 04-11-08 11:25:56 PM Link | Quote
I see you followed your own advice.

____________________
Die Letzte Stunde der Welt - Minus. - VGMix X
Darkdata
Ruins!? ♥
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Posted on 04-11-08 11:35:25 PM Link | Quote
Thesis Builder & Online Outliner

Enter what you need and go!

Example:
Even though It ends up removing members a little too quickly, who with guidance could become qualty posters, forums should contain qualty posts because it improves the qualty of the forum as a whole. and the admins like it .

Not the best, but with a little clean up, it could be great.

It also generates an outline for you, also needs cleanup, heh.


Outline
Forums - A living Organism.
Introductory Paragraph

Begin with an interesting quotation related to your opinion about Forums

(You will need a transition here)

- End the Intro paragraph with your thesis statement:

Even though It ends up removing members a little too quickly, who with guidance could become qualty posters, forums should contain qualty posts because it improves the qualty of the forum as a whole. and the admins like it .

Body Paragraph #1

Topic of the body thesis:
It ends up removing members a little too quickly, who with guidance could become qualty posters

- Find evidence - like facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it upor support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how your evidence supports the topic sentence

Another example that shows that It ends up removing members a little too quickly, who with guidance could become qualty posters is...

- Find more evidence - facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it up or support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how this second piece of evidence supports the topic sentence.

Body Paragraph #2

Even though It ends up removing members a little too quickly, who with guidance could become qualty posters, forums should contain qualty posts because it improves the qualty of the forum as a whole..

- Find evidence - like facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it upor support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how your evidence supports the topic sentence

Another example that shows that it improves the qualty of the forum as a whole. is...

- Find more evidence - facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it up or support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how this second piece of evidence supports the topic sentence.

Body Paragraph #3

The most important reason forums should contain qualty posts is because the admins like it .

- Find evidence - like facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it upor support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how your evidence supports the topic sentence

Another example that shows that the admins like it is...

- Find more evidence - facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it up or support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how this second piece of evidence supports the topic sentence.

Conclusion

So you can see that although It ends up removing members a little too quickly, who with guidance could become qualty posters, forums should contain qualty posts for two main reasons. First, it improves the qualty of the forum as a whole.. But most importantly, the admins like it .

- Now you will return to your attention-getter from the introduction

- Then end your essay with a powerful So What? statement that shows why the reader should care about this.



____________________
Post 153/1311 (41 days), online 2 days ago
Posted on 04-12-08 01:44:03 AM Link | Quote
an Online Outline for
a random test essay


Introductory Paragraph

Begin with an interesting quotation related to your opinion about testing stuff
[...]
Even though it doesn't make much sense, testing with random crap is fun because I'm bored and I like being silly sometimes.

Body Paragraph #1

Topic of the body thesis:
it doesn't make much sense
[...]
Another example that shows that it doesn't make much sense is...
[...]

Body Paragraph #2

Even though it doesn't make much sense, testing with random crap is fun because I'm bored.
[...]
Another example that shows that I'm bored is...
[...]

Body Paragraph #3

The most important reason testing with random crap is fun is because I like being silly sometimes.
[...]
Another example that shows that I like being silly sometimes is...
[...]

Conclusion

So you can see that although it doesn't make much sense, testing with random crap is fun for two main reasons. First, I'm bored. But most importantly, I like being silly sometimes.
[...]


I can totally see that scoring A+ if finished

____________________



#68
Hiryuu

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Posted on 04-12-08 04:31:39 AM Link | Quote
Or go to chuckiii.com or something similar and edit it minorly.

S'how I scored it big when I didn't want to write on uninteresting topics.

____________________
Haruhi Suzumiya

Guys, get the Mafia game more active. D:
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Posted on 04-12-08 04:46:02 AM (last edited by pieguy1372 at 04-12-08 01:46 AM) Link | Quote
Even though non-intelligent posts are fun to make, forums need more intelligent posts because non-intelligent posts make for a spammy forum and intelligent posts increase the intelligence of the forum.

Introductory Paragraph
Begin with an interesting quotation related to your opinion about forums
(You will need a transition here)

- End the Intro paragraph with your thesis statement:

Even though non-intelligent posts are fun to make, they need more intelligent posts because non-intelligent posts make for a spammy forum and intelligent posts increase the intelligence of the forum.


Body Paragraph #1
Topic of the body thesis:
non-intelligent posts are fun to make
- Find evidence - like facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it upor support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how your evidence supports the topic sentence

Another example that shows that non-intelligent posts are fun to make is...

- Find more evidence - facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it up or support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how this second piece of evidence supports the topic sentence.


Body Paragraph #2
Even though non-intelligent posts are fun to make, they need more intelligent posts because non-intelligent posts make for a spammy forum.
- Find evidence - like facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it upor support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how your evidence supports the topic sentence

Another example that shows that non-intelligent posts make for a spammy forum is...

- Find more evidence - facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it up or support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how this second piece of evidence supports the topic sentence.


Body Paragraph #3
The most important reason they need more intelligent posts is because intelligent posts increase the intelligence of the forum.
- Find evidence - like facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it upor support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how your evidence supports the topic sentence

Another example that shows that intelligent posts increase the intelligence of the forum is...

- Find more evidence - facts, examples, quotations, or statistics that back it up or support the topic sentence of this paragraph.

- Explain how this second piece of evidence supports the topic sentence.


Conclusion
So you can see that although non-intelligent posts are fun to make, they need more intelligent posts for two main reasons. First, non-intelligent posts make for a spammy forum. But most importantly, intelligent posts increase the intelligence of the forum.
- Now you will return to your attention-getter from the introduction

- Then end your essay with a powerful So What? statement that shows why the reader should care about this.


Yay!

It's amazing what one can do with "forums need more intelligent posts".

____________________
Sponty
Part boy, part car; Boycar, Protector and King of Chilladelphia
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Since: 08-24-07

Pronouns: he/him
From: Canada

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Posted on 04-15-08 04:41:35 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by pieguy1372
First, non-intelligent posts make for a spammy forum. But most importantly, intelligent posts increase the intelligence of the forum.


Wow. You are a freaking genius

I can't really use this though, besides, I haven't had to write an essay longer than 2 pages


____________________
Quote goes here. Now I just need one :\
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Jul - Craziness Domain - How to Bullshit Your Way Through Any Essay New poll - New thread - New reply


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