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12-10-18 10:32:43 AM

Jul - Innocent Town - Nostalgia dump zone New poll - New thread - New reply
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Bloodstar
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Posted on 02-26-18 02:33:57 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Xkeeper
Well, yeah, we still have copies, but I mean the original site and stuff.


At least the OS X version still exists.

I was actually vaguely tempted to throw up a page and download link for the Windows version on my subdomain at some point, but I dunno, felt weird to do that with someone else's work

Maybe it'd be at home on one of those abandonware sites? I dunno if Starfish qualifies for it.

(also I'd love to see a Linux port at some point but a)
Xkeeper

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Posted on 02-26-18 12:39:00 PM Link | Quote
Throw it up on archive.org if you're feeling weird about it.
Xkeeper

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Posted on 04-13-18 03:28:03 AM Link | Quote
guhhhh I was thinking about all of this again and getting really sad and nostalgic. i miss old me
Xkeeper

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Posted on 07-13-18 03:24:50 AM Link | Quote
Hiryuu (yes, that one) apparently got ahold of an old hard drive he had laying around, and sent me a bunch of old junk of mine from it. Stuff like old sprites I had worked on (complete with the sheets of changes) and some other stuff ...

I still feel weird about everything. So much of my past is just gone — there's literally nothing left of it, even the stuff I wanted to save...


I wish I had a better way of explaining it, or figuring out what went... wrong? The old me was a lot more reckless in terms of just... doing things. I was still ashamed of what I did, hence using pseudonyms everywhere, but I was still doing something. Now I just... don't.

(I think at the base of it, I know what the problems are, but it's hard to confront them...)
Xkeeper

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Posted on 08-22-18 03:27:57 PM Link | Quote
Looking back at this place, at the old code — Kak asked me to see if I had any copies that had some old stuff I stripped out of the release version — and it's...

I described it as "It's like driving through an old neighborhood you used to live in. Everything's different now, but there's still this little slice of what used to be that you remember, even if nobody else does."
Xkeeper

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Posted on 08-25-18 04:16:30 PM Link | Quote
Thinking about this again and getting really sad, for a lot of reasons.

I kind of... I dunno. I want to slap my old self a lot — some of the stuff from back then really is terrible. But here in the ~future~, I can see why it happened, the bad influences, the trying to fit in things. It's what everyone else did, so I should have done it too, right?

...

I don't know how to really say it other than it's... painful, I guess. Thinking of all the ways things could have gone so much better, or at least... something. Some way to not end up like I am today.

...
Halian

six legged drgn whomst build worlds
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Posted on 08-27-18 02:55:35 AM Link | Quote
*offers hugs*

[hr]

Originally posted by Xkeeper
I still feel weird about everything. So much of my past is just gone — there's literally nothing left of it, even the stuff I wanted to save...


Same here. I seem to be pathologically unable to hang onto my past, and I feel worse than terrible for it. :c
Xkeeper

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Posted on 08-29-18 03:40:54 AM Link | Quote
dug through some more files. found old projects, little toys i had made, small projects. even back then i knew i'd never finish anything, but i'd still start stuff just for the hell of it. just because little toys were fine.

back when i had something resembling a homepage, listing the projects i was working on. i found an old copy of "the page of things", for example.


most of the database stuff is gone, so many of the toys and projects don't work. on the flip side, i have a few databases that have data, but the code to use them is long gone (for example, a tagboard, where you could leave little messages; the messages exist, but the code to show and write them is long lost)


for someone so nostalgic for the past, i have done a terrible job of keeping mine.
ironic, i guess.
Xkeeper

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Posted on 08-29-18 03:45:12 AM Link | Quote
well, then again, for a long time, i wanted to forget my past. i was at the phase where i knew i was better than i had been before, but not better enough to realize i was still exhibiting bad behavior. i'd like to believe i'm a little better now than then, but it's too late for many things.

some of it was out of my control, too. that much i can admit.

...

it's hard to not feel sad about everything.

i think the fact that most people have a 'portfolio', a list of stuff they've worked on, while i have the 'hall of failures', speaks enough about my mindset; that rather than documenting what i want to do, or what i did, i document how things died, or stopped, or faded into oblivion one way or another.


some people say that we all walk our own roads through life;

mine is probably named "the boulevard of broken dreams"


BatElite
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Posted on 08-31-18 04:31:48 PM Link | Quote
It's an interesting thread to me, I like seeing stuff like this...

When it comes to losing stuff, I hate it and it bothers me even if it's small things and I empathize greatly, but if I may play devil's advocate for a moment: I've seen you lament before how you don't do anything anymore when you go through old stuff like this. Wouldn't you get even worse feelings of that had more been around still?
Maybe it's a situation about a rock and a hard place...
Xkeeper

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Posted on 09-06-18 01:33:55 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by BatElite
It's an interesting thread to me, I like seeing stuff like this...

When it comes to losing stuff, I hate it and it bothers me even if it's small things and I empathize greatly, but if I may play devil's advocate for a moment: I've seen you lament before how you don't do anything anymore when you go through old stuff like this. Wouldn't you get even worse feelings of that had more been around still?
Maybe it's a situation about a rock and a hard place...


I don't know. It's hard to say, honestly.

On one hand, I can look back at the things I did, and see memories. Even if I dislike who I used to be, I still did something. I existed. I stuck a flag in a mountain and made it mine. I sat down and created something; I imparted a part of myself into the universe through the things I made and the people it impacted.

On the other hand, not having anything left to show for it doesn't mean that they weren't done, or that I wouldn't remember them; just that I wouldn't have anything to show for it. It's like going on vacation in that way — you can either take pictures, and years later go "ah, remember that time" ... or you can not take any and just sort of forget it ever happened. You can't show it to anyone, you can't go "look at this pretty sunset" or "look at how nice the beach was" or "look at how goofy this thing they were wearing was 10 years ago, how different we are now"

Growing doesn't mean anything if you can't compare yourself to how you were before. The destination is pointless without the journey.

...

Last night, as we were copying over data from BMF over to the NAS, I was exploring some of my old files again.

Even BMF is nostalgic for the days when I made things; there was so much in there from just. Random experiments I spent a day or two on that generated weird images, or funny visuals, or tried to do goofy stuff with websites that didn't even have any sort of API...

I'll post more of them later.
Xkeeper

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Posted on 10-21-18 04:28:10 AM Link | Quote
Back in a sort of nostalgic review, thinking back 10 years or so; maybe more like 9 or 8, but mostly just a lot of regrets. The past is over, but I still feel terrible for the things I did back then; bridges burnt, insults thrown, friends lost.

I spend too much of my time thinking about how much went wrong before, and how things could've gone differently, what I could have done. Part of it is just that I really didn't know better — some of it is still a problem to this day, though I'd like to think I've improved a lot. Time doesn't heal everything, but it at least tends to make us wiser.

Does this always happen? Do people always think about the futures that never were, but could have been?

I talk about wishing to be able to forget things every now and then, and this is another one of those times... It would be a lot easier if I could just forget the people I hurt, forget the past, move on and just... do better.

It's hard.
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Posted on 10-21-18 05:48:47 PM Link | Quote
Jul - Private messages - Inbox: 2707 ...

Got a little nostalgic and looked through some of the list; early parts of it were dominated by two people, but even from a few years ago there's names I recognize, but know they've been gone for a long time, and probably won't be coming back. Or definitely, in at least one case.



I miss everyone. People I didn't get to know as well as I wanted; people I never got to talk to; people that I drove away.

There's nothing I can do about it now, but... I don't know. I wish I knew then what I knew now. I wish I knew now what I'll know later, so I can be better ... I'm trying.

Xkeeper

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Posted on 10-21-18 05:56:05 PM Link | Quote
I know it probably doesn't mean as much to anybody else as it does to me, but... thanks for being around.

Thanks for being a part of this family.

Rambly

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Posted on 10-21-18 11:00:46 PM Link | Quote
Q
Mis7eryMyra
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Posted on 10-22-18 02:18:48 AM Link | Quote
I'm happy to be here
Jamie
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Posted on 10-22-18 04:31:19 AM Link | Quote
Taryn meant a lot to the people at kafuka too... especially Miss Dani mentions her a lot and it's really sad that I never got to meet her (and that if I did meet her I'd have been in my complete idiot days -.-) because she seemed a very nice person :/
RanAS
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Posted on 10-22-18 06:33:28 AM (last edited by RanAS at 10-22-18 06:33:51 AM) Link | Quote
Trying to forget bad parts of the past is always difficult. For me, it's less about what I had done and more about how I was and how I had to build a weird cold/serious side to me so I could deal with the worst of the world. Little did I know that that cold side ended up sapping away most of my motivation, most of my trust on others, and completely warped my worldview. Instead of being the optimist that I was that tried to find many different solutions to solving a problem and making people's lives better in general, I became a mostly mindless robot that just went forward as necessary. It takes some time to regain that confidence on the world again, specially with things the way they are right now.

But I'm glad I was able to find this nice chill place and be here with you all. It makes everything much better

It makes me happy knowing that there are actually people out there that care

Love you all
Bloodstar
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Posted on 10-22-18 03:45:14 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Xkeeper
they've been gone for a long time, and probably won't be coming back. Or definitely, in at least one case.



I miss everyone. People I didn't get to know as well as I wanted; people I never got to talk to; people that I drove away.


I'll never forget what she did for a lot of us. I certainly know that in my case, she shed a lot of light on some things and helped me to become a better person today, even if there may have been a couple of bumps here and there.

Even if things weren't always on the smoothest terms, I miss her, and am dearly thankful.

It fucks with my head that I'll soon be older than she was at the time of her passing. Good lord, she was taken from us way too soon.
Rambly

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Posted on 10-23-18 03:33:14 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Jamie
Taryn meant a lot to the people at kafuka too... especially Miss Dani mentions her a lot and it's really sad that I never got to meet her (and that if I did meet her I'd have been in my complete idiot days -.-) because she seemed a very nice person :/
I still think about her every now and then... we started talking at a pretty pivotal time in my life — I was just starting to get inklings that maybe I was trans, I was starting to research it and find resources and communities online... her frankness about her own being trans and her discussions with me on AIM about it helped plant the seeds that led to me figuring out who I was. Sometime in 2011 some feuding happened — I don't even remember over what anymore — and I eventually just kind of distanced myself from her. We never really reconnected after that.

I kind of... deeply regret that our last interactions with each other before she died weren't all that positive. I kind of regret that I treated her as coldly as I did. But more than anything I kind of regret that I never got a chance to thank her for what she ultimately did for me. I guess it's silly, and she wasn't the only person who helped, but she was one of the first to maybe bring to my attention that transitioning was a possibility for me.
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Jul - Innocent Town - Nostalgia dump zone New poll - New thread - New reply




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