Register - Login
Views: 99350855
 Main - Memberlist - Active users - Calendar - Wiki - IRC Chat - Online users
Ranks - Rules/FAQ - Stats - Latest Posts - Color Chart - Smilies		 04-21-22 06:30:15 PM
Jul - Innocent Town - Fragments [heavy?] New poll - New thread - New reply
Next newer thread | Next older thread
BatElite
Member
Level: 35


Posts: 151/345
EXP: 273618
For next: 6318

Since: 04-24-17

Pronouns: they/them, preferably she/her (fluidity is heck)

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 2 days
Posted on 08-06-18 09:06:48 PM Link | Quote

I don't think there's a thread for general thoughts on this forum so I might as well make a thread specifically for this. Easier to ignore too.

---

It's...odd to slowly come around to the possible conclusion I've been subject to (emotional) abuse. I only have bits and fragments of memory (which may or may not be correct, memory can be faulty as heck) and the culprit(s) would have been children around my age or a little older at the time(s) it happened. I just have a lot personality/behavioural quirks that are apparently indicative and things I remember to match.

Maybe I've gotten used to that thought, at least in part. I still don't feel like my baggage is particularly justified. It seems like stuff that I should just suck up and leave people to their actual traumas and other problems.

I guess if anything I should take this to some form of professional rather than spew it here for you to mop up. Certainly I have the means to, but that requires taking something into meatspace and letting people know about this stuff and I'm already very hesitant about doing that with much more benign stuff.

I'm well aware looking at this that none of you have a clue what I'm on about and I think I've only let two people in on part (but probably most?) of it and neither of them are active here. Sorry for that and sorry for wasting your time.

Also starting to feel manipulative with the apologizing so I'll just post this before I write it into a complete mess...

---

(Sorry for the vague thread title, I didn't know of a better one.)

To end on a little levity: It occurred to me that this forum is the only place you can't jokingly reply to something with "guilty as charged."

____________________
"Rusted old machines should stay home and play with their toasters!"
Q
風のノータム
Level: 105


Posts: 2875/2986
EXP: 11963324
For next: 298936

Since: 08-03-07

Pronouns: she/her
From: Nowhere

Since last post: 38 days
Last activity: 1 day
Posted on 08-07-18 12:34:13 PM Link | Quote
Childhood emotional abuse, even from other children, is definitely a real thing, and it's pretty common to have memory loss/fabrications associated with childhood abuse, usually with the mental function of protecting you from abuse that happened rather than fabricating abuse that didn't happen.

I obviously don't know your situation and am not a trained professional, though, so I can't give you any definitive answers; take my thoughts with a grain of salt. Just understand that it's a genuine feature of childhood abuse, and it's probably worth looking into talking with a professional about it if you can.

I understand it's hard to talk about those things and to get therapy for it, though. It's ultimately your decision, but I think it's worth trying to figure things out and heal.

____________________
layout by Sofi.
Xkeeper

Level: 263


Posts: 23358/25343
EXP: 296649288
For next: 2311165

Since: 07-03-07

Pronouns: they/them/????????

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 15 hours
Posted on 08-18-18 09:24:32 AM Link | Quote
also, you do not have to apologize. you have not done anything wrong here.

emotional abuse is very much a thing and it's often overlooked at young ages because "kids will be kids" or whatever bullshit excuse adults use to cover up for being incompetent shitheads. it's worth not putting yourself down about it and trying to talk to a professional, who can hopefully help you figure out exactly what's going on

rationalizing (? justifying) it the way you are ("I still don't feel like my baggage is particularly justified.") is also a sign that something has happened that got ignored or dismissed by adults. see this a lot with parents who think children should "tough it out" or "man up" or a bunch of other horrible things i don't feel like repeating. it suggests to you that your problems aren't real or valid and that you're making a big deal out of nothing, even though it is a serious problem

in some cases it can happen because the adult(s) themselves may have been subjected to similar abuse but has failed to recognize and stop the cycle. sadly this happens more often than not

there's no harm in talking with a professional therapist about these things. if it doesn't work out or you don't feel comfortable you are not obligated to continue. the choice is yours, though.



i got a hug here for you if you want one.

____________________
(Lv 244 with 227580143 EXP)
Next newer thread | Next older thread
Jul - Innocent Town - Fragments [heavy?] New poll - New thread - New reply


Rusted Logic
Acmlmboard - commit 47be4dc [2021-08-23]
©2000-2022 Acmlm, Xkeeper, Kaito Sinclaire, et al.

28 database queries.
Query execution time:  0.080827 seconds
Script execution time:  0.008319 seconds
Total render time:  0.089147 seconds


TidyHTML vomit below
line 1 column 1 - Warning: missing <!DOCTYPE> declaration
line 2 column 301 - Warning: unescaped & or unknown entity "&page"
line 119 column 11 - Warning: <form> isn't allowed in <table> elements
line 118 column 10 - Info: <table> previously mentioned
line 120 column 11 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 120 column 119 - Warning: missing </font> before </td>
line 124 column 16 - Warning: plain text isn't allowed in <tr> elements
line 120 column 11 - Info: <tr> previously mentioned
line 125 column 68 - Warning: missing </nobr> before </td>
line 141 column 68 - Warning: missing </nobr> before <tr>
line 147 column 35 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 147 column 50 - Warning: missing </font> before </td>
line 148 column 37 - Warning: unescaped & or unknown entity "&id"
line 147 column 180 - Warning: missing </font> before </table>
line 149 column 35 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 149 column 50 - Warning: missing </font> before </td>
line 149 column 91 - Warning: missing </font> before </table>
line 156 column 9 - Warning: <div> isn't allowed in <table> elements
line 152 column 17 - Info: <table> previously mentioned
line 158 column 9 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 176 column 13 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 177 column 102 - Warning: unescaped & or unknown entity "&postid"
line 203 column 9 - Warning: <div> isn't allowed in <table> elements
line 152 column 17 - Info: <table> previously mentioned
line 205 column 9 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 223 column 13 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 224 column 102 - Warning: unescaped & or unknown entity "&postid"
line 226 column 74 - Warning: <style> isn't allowed in <td> elements
line 226 column 9 - Info: <td> previously mentioned
line 233 column 9 - Warning: <div> isn't allowed in <table> elements
line 152 column 17 - Info: <table> previously mentioned
line 235 column 9 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 253 column 13 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 254 column 102 - Warning: unescaped & or unknown entity "&postid"
line 256 column 74 - Warning: <style> isn't allowed in <td> elements
line 256 column 9 - Info: <td> previously mentioned
line 271 column 17 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 271 column 17 - Warning: discarding unexpected <table>
line 274 column 35 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 274 column 50 - Warning: missing </font> before </td>
line 274 column 91 - Warning: missing </font> before </table>
line 276 column 35 - Warning: missing <tr>
line 276 column 50 - Warning: missing </font> before </td>
line 277 column 37 - Warning: unescaped & or unknown entity "&id"
line 276 column 180 - Warning: missing </font> before </table>
line 278 column 17 - Warning: discarding unexpected </textarea>
line 278 column 28 - Warning: discarding unexpected </form>
line 278 column 35 - Warning: discarding unexpected </embed>
line 278 column 43 - Warning: discarding unexpected </noembed>
line 278 column 53 - Warning: discarding unexpected </noscript>
line 278 column 64 - Warning: discarding unexpected </noembed>
line 278 column 74 - Warning: discarding unexpected </embed>
line 278 column 82 - Warning: discarding unexpected </table>
line 278 column 90 - Warning: discarding unexpected </table>
line 280 column 9 - Warning: missing </font> before <table>
line 292 column 25 - Warning: discarding unexpected </font>
line 301 column 37 - Warning: discarding unexpected </font>
line 279 column 1 - Warning: missing </center>
line 120 column 63 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 125 column 19 - Warning: <td> attribute "width" has invalid value "120px"
line 125 column 93 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 141 column 19 - Warning: <td> attribute "width" has invalid value "120px"
line 141 column 98 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 148 column 44 - Warning: <img> proprietary attribute value "absmiddle"
line 148 column 142 - Warning: <img> proprietary attribute value "absmiddle"
line 148 column 246 - Warning: <img> proprietary attribute value "absmiddle"
line 161 column 22 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 161 column 63 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 161 column 112 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 161 column 162 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 162 column 11 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 172 column 15 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 208 column 23 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 208 column 64 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 208 column 113 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 208 column 163 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 209 column 11 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 219 column 15 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 238 column 23 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 238 column 64 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 238 column 113 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 238 column 163 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 239 column 11 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 249 column 15 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 277 column 44 - Warning: <img> proprietary attribute value "absmiddle"
line 277 column 142 - Warning: <img> proprietary attribute value "absmiddle"
line 277 column 246 - Warning: <img> proprietary attribute value "absmiddle"
line 286 column 25 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 291 column 267 - Warning: <img> lacks "alt" attribute
line 149 column 50 - Warning: trimming empty <font>
line 271 column 17 - Warning: trimming empty <tr>
line 274 column 50 - Warning: trimming empty <font>
line 125 column 68 - Warning: <nobr> is not approved by W3C
line 141 column 68 - Warning: <nobr> is not approved by W3C
line 177 column 27 - Warning: <nobr> is not approved by W3C
line 224 column 27 - Warning: <nobr> is not approved by W3C
line 254 column 27 - Warning: <nobr> is not approved by W3C
Info: Document content looks like HTML5
Info: No system identifier in emitted doctype
Tidy found 90 warnings and 0 errors!


The alt attribute should be used to give a short description
of an image; longer descriptions should be given with the
longdesc attribute which takes a URL linked to the description.
These measures are needed for people using non-graphical browsers.

For further advice on how to make your pages accessible
see http://www.w3.org/WAI/GL.
You are recommended to use CSS to specify the font and
properties such as its size and color. This will reduce
the size of HTML files and make them easier to maintain
compared with using <FONT> elements.

You are recommended to use CSS to control line wrapping.
Use "white-space: nowrap" to inhibit wrapping in place
of inserting <NOBR>...</NOBR> into the markup.

About HTML Tidy: https://github.com/htacg/tidy-html5
Bug reports and comments: https://github.com/htacg/tidy-html5/issues
Official mailing list: https://lists.w3.org/Archives/Public/public-htacg/
Latest HTML specification: http://dev.w3.org/html5/spec-author-view/
Validate your HTML documents: http://validator.w3.org/nu/
Lobby your company to join the W3C: http://www.w3.org/Consortium

Do you speak a language other than English, or a different variant of
English? Consider helping us to localize HTML Tidy. For details please see
https://github.com/htacg/tidy-html5/blob/master/README/LOCALIZE.md