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05-03-22 06:05:47 PM
Jul - Craziness Domain - I am going to explain to everyone in four easy steps about 100% Crushed Fruit New poll - New thread - New reply
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Bitmap
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From: Cataula Georgia

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Posted on 05-12-10 09:01:07 PM Link | Quote

I was at a coffee shop in my area hanging out with friends. And I noticed a sign that said "100% Crushed fruit". What do they mean by this?

Here is the Bitmap way on how to crush fruit 100%

This is step one on crushing fruit 100% First, you get the fruit, and you start screaming at it. Call that motherfucker off, tell him on how much of a fruit he is, and how his life is going to end in a slow painful death. Spit in that fucking fruit's face, pinch him a little bit, and then set him down for step two. That was step 1 on how to crush fruit 100%

This is step two on crushing fruit 100%. Now, you find that bitch of a bush that the fruit grew on. That is like a mother to him. Find the plant, and cut that motherfucker down, burn it alive, and be sure to show the fruit you are about to crush this: For this helps in breaking him down. After you are done cutting and burning the plant; piss on it, and put a seed in it. By now, the seed will grow, and the process will repeat itself. That was step two on how to crush fruit 100%.

This is step three on crushing fruit 100%. Now it's time to peel the fruit. Slowly, using a razor blade, pick off his skin. This will render him naked and humiliated out in public. Laugh in it's face while you are doing so. That was step three on how to crush fruit 100%.

This is the fourth and final step. The fucking fourth and final step on crushing fruit 100%. Now that the fruit is naked, humuliated, broken down, and has it's soul ripped apart. It's time for the good stuff: You get a sledgehammer, and you start beating the ever living shit out of it. Pick up the remains, and put the remains in a blender. Be sure to start the blender on low, then work your way up to the highest settings. Finally, pour the remains in a glass. And enjoy. That was the final step on crushing fruit 100% Enjoy your fucking meal.

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FPzero
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Posted on 05-12-10 09:03:38 PM Link | Quote
What made this even better was picturing you doing it with a crazy look on your face the whole time.

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Bitmap
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Posted on 05-12-10 09:04:44 PM Link | Quote

I even had a voice for this. A very sinister yet calm voice.

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Orlandu


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Posted on 05-12-10 09:05:00 PM Link | Quote
Thats a little too elaborate for me. Step one can be useful, but I would probably just skip to step 4 after that. A quick insult before peeling and smashing seems enough for most fruits.

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Posted on 05-12-10 09:05:05 PM Link | Quote
I was figuring crazed or drunk or both, honestly.
Bitmap
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Posted on 05-12-10 09:05:51 PM Link | Quote

Neither. I have not drinked my beer yet.

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Orlandu


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Posted on 05-12-10 09:08:55 PM Link | Quote
We can only imagine what the instructions would have been like if you had your beer already...

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MajesticLight
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Posted on 05-12-10 11:52:41 PM Link | Quote
You should make a second set of instructions, after you've had a few

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Posted on 05-13-10 02:16:07 AM Link | Quote

Originally posted by MajesticLight
You should make a second set of instructions, after you've had a few


...nah

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Tanks

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Posted on 05-13-10 02:20:49 AM Link | Quote
He favors video over drunk typing. I am expecting this next drunk spell Bitmap. I must witness this through thine own youtube channel with mine own eyes!

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Posted on 05-13-10 04:36:51 AM Link | Quote

I think we need to veer away from the "Hurrr Bitmap drunk huuur".

It's not funny anymore.

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Posted on 05-16-10 02:51:30 AM Link | Quote
I think it's funny.
William Jefferson
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Posted on 05-16-10 09:03:24 AM Link | Quote
One problem.
I cannot find the fruit's mother.
What do I do!?
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Jul - Craziness Domain - I am going to explain to everyone in four easy steps about 100% Crushed Fruit New poll - New thread - New reply


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