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Jul - Projects and Creations - [SF continuation/on-going] Element (Ch. 28, 29 posted) New poll - New thread - New reply
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— Anya —

Trudging Scribe



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Posted on 05-03-09 01:44:27 PM Link | Quote
I bent my wookie




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Hiryuu

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Posted on 05-03-09 07:36:11 PM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Anya
I bent my wookie




Hey, I had to have something funny in there.

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Hiryuu

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Posted on 05-29-09 01:14:40 PM Link | Quote
Month's nearly at a close and I think I'm going to try something. I'm not trying to put myself under a lot of pressure to get things done, but I'd at least want to see if I can make it to where I can get one of these out a month. It shouldn't take me six to eight months to do one of these and one month should be plenty for 10-15 pages of work every time. I have an idea of what I'm going to attack next but there's a few things leading up to yet another big thing that I'm going to need to do.

If I had to do a crunch, I'd guesstimate we've got another...four...five chapters left in this arc. The end of it is what's going to bring about what exactly HAS happened and why the hell we've been running with characters that weren't present at the beginning of this arc and none of the other ones (except Colin and the mention of others).

Specifically, the focus is likely going to be towards Millia/Rale and what the hell 'she' is...although if you've kept up with the series enough you probably have an idea.

Hopefully, you can expect 27 out this weekend or next. I'd probably bet on next but we'll see.

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Hiryuu

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Posted on 07-18-09 05:50:03 AM Link | Quote
Sorry that took so long.

I'm really trying to get these things done in a more timely manner.

Be sure to take what I mention at the end of this into mind. I'd greatly appreciate the feedback if you could.

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Tyty

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Posted on 07-20-09 01:01:14 AM Link | Quote
I honestly can't decide on one through personality, or how they're written... uh... I'll have to choose based on something else...

Erina, because I'm a sucker for rabbit girls now.

To the chapter itself, it revealed some stuff that either wasn't revealed yet, or I didn't catch reading through the others because I have the attention span of a 3 year old.

This time I didn't notice any typos either, so that's good too.

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Xkeeper

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Posted on 07-20-09 05:20:12 PM Link | Quote
After you get done reading this, give me your favorite character in this
series so far and why. Doesn't have to be long or anything. Make sure
to post it the Element thread on Jul.


... can I use a lifeline?

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Hiryuu

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Posted on 07-23-09 01:22:15 AM Link | Quote
Wow.

One opinion in this.

Way more than I expected.

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Xkeeper

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Posted on 07-23-09 01:22:48 AM Link | Quote
Man, my sarcasm meter exploded.

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Hiryuu

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Posted on 07-24-09 01:10:07 PM Link | Quote
Actually, I really did expect just a 'dead air' response.

But anyways...in judging how things are turning out I think I might be able to wrap up yet another 'arc' soon. I have to arrive at a certain point before I call myself accomplished though but it's getting there. People and things getting introduced, reintroduced and that whole entourage with Elaine being done will set the stage for it.

Should be fairly easy for me to end out as I've got a great deal of it mapped out for that point already...but I'm also afraid that if I rush it that I'm going to make it look minimalistic. Unfortunately, I've been having to deal with the whole 'plot builds character' deal before I can get to some good meat of this story.

Can't just say 'here's epic battle one' and then jump across and go 'here's epic battle two' and do that the whole story, I'm afraid...but it's coming along, at least.

That said...gonna shoot for this weekend. Again. Yep. For 28. Not going to take weeks this time...just going to see if I can flat out do it. Course, with my track record, that's probably worth a grain of salt but...we'll see. I have it pretty much already written out in my head and how it will progress to the next event...it's just a matter of doing things now.

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Hiryuu

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Posted on 01-06-10 09:20:19 PM Link | Quote
28
29
Hiryuu

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Posted on 01-27-10 08:07:01 AM Link | Quote
Going to make a decision in the next soonish about whether to put this under permanent ice or actually get to moving on it. The initial deal to myself when I started this back in 2004 was to get it done by 2010.

Needless to say, the year is here. So I need to decide if I'm going to continue on with this for another six years at my pace or if I'm just going to deep six it.
Cirvante
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Posted on 01-27-10 11:01:24 PM Link | Quote
As one of the five people who actually read through all these, I don't think cutting it short is the most graceful way to end the story and be done with it. So what if you don't finish it until you're 35?
I mean, it could be worse. You could be like me, who hasn't updated since 2008. That doesn't mean I've given up on it, though, and neither should you.

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board2 - Jul - OC ReMix
Hiryuu

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Posted on 01-27-10 11:27:28 PM Link | Quote
Oh the ends to that means is simple...I'm not even halfway done I think.

I initially thought it would be 40 chapters. I would be surprised if it was less than 60 now.
Hiryuu

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Posted on 04-27-10 01:58:53 PM Link | Quote
Ch. 30 up.

If you're totally lost after all this time, feel free to browse the archives.
Friendbot2000
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Posted on 05-03-10 05:10:41 PM Link | Quote
Just to warn you, I hold no punches when I critique something so don't take it personally.

I felt the dialogue was a bit forced and choppy. I noticed that you frequently left dialogue with no action markers attached and that is a big no no in writing. Whenever someone speaks or the conversation changes from person to person there should always be an action paired with it. It can be as simply as, "Anya blinked" or "Anya crossed her arms". Actions draw the reader in and make the story more real to them.

While I am not familiar with Final Fantasy or Unreal Saga I will comment that the characters are a bit twee. Twee is the British term for everything is too bright and cheery. There doesn't appear to be any conflict between the characters. They all speak to each other in the same happy go lucky tone even when you are trying to express anger or sadness. I recommend darkening the mood of the writing when you are trying to express anger or sadness. Remember that diction is something you really need to keep in mind while writing. sometimes all a scene needs to come alive is a perfect word or two.

I also recommend using a Thesaurus. You repeat words a lot in each paragraph and that makes it harder for the reader to maintain an interest.

Another comment as to the mechanics of your writing, you have an awful lot of REALLY long sentences and that jars the reader a bit. Remember to vary your sentence length to establish the flow of the writing.

I also noticed that you seem to force the world on the reader in choppy musings from the characters point of view. You dump a lot of information on the reader way too soon; remember the writer's mantra, "Show, don't tell"

In my opinion the flashback interruptions need to go. They jar the reader and makes me lose focus on the actual writing. Really they serve little to no purpose and interrupt the flow of the story.

Fourth wall breakage is a big no no in fiction.

Lastly, there is a distinct lack of description in the story. I want to know what the environment looks like, smells like, feels like. I get only pictures of generic castles and blank rooms in my head when I read your story.

I realize this is a draft, but what worries me is that you are already so far ahead in the story yet you haven't gone back and edited the chapters. That is a really dangerous writing practice because you could end up getting really frustrated when your entire story changes when you are editing. When you are that advanced in a story continuity becomes very important. That is why it is important to edit each chapter you finish before you start on another.

I look forward to reading the newly edited versions. This story has a great deal of potential and I just love the whole gender bending body switch idea you have going on. Anyways, cheers.

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Hiryuu

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Posted on 05-03-10 07:33:36 PM Link | Quote
Oh wow, critique. Wasn't expecting that.

I get what you're after on a majority of it, but mood isn't dark enough? I mean I'll eventually get to a point that I've hinted at a few times in chapters but I was actually worried that it was too dark in a few places and there was any comedic breaks in-between. I'm worried that I'll just do something in that regard and it won't really give time for the characters to take a breath.

Not sure if you've read the whole thing or not but a vast majority of it is considered draft and will likely stay as such. This is, in no means, an attempt to be professional. It's just something I'm doing on the side. Whether or not I want to attempt a foray into something like that at a point...well, I doubt that ever happens, at least.

Couple of the points you mention then, in that regard, are moot since I'm just having fun with it anyways (fourth wall breakage in particular, but then even professional points have this). If I was honestly concerned I don't think I'd do them but it's more or less for fun as it is so I've been fairly lax on how I've gone about it for my own interests. Keep in mind that this has been going for six years off and on. It's really kind of difficult for me to keep it entertaining for that long without breaking a few 'rules of writing'.

Nice to know that there's interest here though. I appreciate the feedback.
Hiryuu

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Posted on 05-23-10 07:51:27 PM Link | Quote
OMAKE #4.01 is up.

Tie-in between old SF and now. Very necessary backstory.
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Jul - Projects and Creations - [SF continuation/on-going] Element (Ch. 28, 29 posted) New poll - New thread - New reply


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