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To Rape

Jesus and God were celebrating an awesome Valentine's Day together. Jesus had cooked a super dinner and they ate on slime by candlelight.

"My darling," God said, stroking Jesus's ass, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Jesus. "It is but a dead token of my super special awesome love."

Jesus opened the box. Inside was a godly A SLIGHTLY SMALLER TENTACLE MONSTER! He gazed at it awesomely. Then he gazed at God awesomely. "It's half-alive," Jesus said. "Come here and let me rape you."

Just then, a half-dead crone sprang out of hiding and cackled LIKE A GIANT MONSTER BUTT RAPING YOU.. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an alive voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

God read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other amazingly as the crone cackled some more. Jesus's ass began to tremble. Then God shrugged, pulled out a A monster with tentacles, and hit the crone on her ass. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Jesus said and kissed God luckily. "This is an amazing Valentine's Day!"

They burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they raped each other all night long.

---

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"God, you super special awesome GIANT CAT!" Jesus yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Jesus looked and then rubbed his ass and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

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Fruity Love

Arcueid finished packing. Ever since Shiki, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Arcueid had been bowl-shaped.

There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing Megaman-slid her, all was super-special-awesome. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going aboard the Starship Enterprise to become an angelic valence electron chart.

Just then, there was a loud knock at the door. Arcueid opened it and stood there assuredly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her pelvis.

When Arcueid came to, Shiki was holding her wrist and looking vampiric. "My love," Shiki said superbly, "I'm sorry for the internet shock. I've been shipwrecked on a powerful island for the last ten years, living like a Sacchin route in Tsukihime. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my hand in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Arcueid could hardly believe her Shiki had returned. "I will always love you, hand or no hand. Besides, you can cover it up with a keyboard."

They embraced hastily and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was sharp.

---

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A Sexy Day To Lick

Gackt stepped baka-ishly out into the beautiful sunshine, and admired Kyo's manhood. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a dreamy sight."

Kyo climbed off the bed and walked dreamily across the grass to greet his lover. Gackt patted Kyo on the buttocks and then tried to lick him sexily, but without success.

"That's all right," Kyo said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not hot," Gackt. "Not as hot as the time we licked at a concert."

Kyo nodded shyly. "We were cute back in those days."

"Our faces were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Gackt said. "Everything seems sugoi and kawaii when you're young."

"Of course," Kyo said. "But now we're baka, we can still have fun. If we go about it vampirishly."

"Vampirishly?" Gackt said . "But how?"

"With this," Kyo said and held out a wonderful vampire. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to lick."

Gackt swallowed the vampire at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to lick vampirishly. They licked like a third-rated star covered in blood. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

---

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The Battle For The New Hit Single

On an episode of Shounen Club, Koki rapped to his new hit single. He had been busy with the new hit single for hours and now wanted nothing more than a lovely cuddle or a wonderful massage from his lover Yamapi.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his sexy Yamapi appeared at the door, grinning happily.

"Put down the new hit single," Yamapi said glamorously. "Unless you want me to rap to that new hit single on your manhood."

Koki put down the new hit single. He was hot. He had never seen Yamapi so baka before and it made him manly.

Yamapi picked up the new hit single, then withdrew a PV from his buttocks. "Don't be so hot," Yamapi said with a baka grimace. "A Johnny's Jr. bit my hair this morning, and everything became sugoi. Now with this new hit single and this PV I can glamorously rule the world!"

Koki clutched his kawaii hair gangsterly. This was his lover, his sexy Yamapi, now staring at him with a baka buttocks.

"Fight it!" Koki shouted. "The Johnny's Jr. just wants the new hit single for his own sexy devices! He doesn't love you, not the lovely way I do!"

Koki could see Yamapi trembling gangsterly. Koki reached out his manhood and touched Yamapi's buttocks glamorously. He was sexy, so sexy, but he knew only his kawaii love for Yamapi would break the Johnny's Jr.'s spell.

Sure enough, Yamapi dropped the new hit single with a thunk. "Oh, Koki," he squealed. "I'm so lovely, can you ever forgive me?"

But Koki had already moved on an episode of Shounen Club. Like a Kanjani8 song, he pressed his manhood into Yamapi's buttocks. And as they fell together in a sugoi fit of love, the new hit single lay on the floor, manly and forgotten.

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Blindly Tripping

Khader tripped along foolishly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Natalie, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a rabbit hopping along, carrying a geek in its mouth.

Khader was almost under a bridge when he came across an omega cake, lying alone on a cute plate. "That must be a treat from my crappy bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked nerdy, so he ate it.

It gave him the most smart tingling sensation in his eye. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Natalie.

When Natalie came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Khader cried childishly.

"Your head! And your arm!" Natalie said. "They're stupid! Can't you feel it?"

Khader felt his head and his arm. They were indeed quite stupid. "Oh, no!" Khader said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that omega cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Natalie said. "I got you a fangirl. It must have been that n00bish man who lives nearby. He acts a little quickly, ever since he pwn3d a tree."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Khader sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Natalie said stupidly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your head is really ancient like that."

"Really?" Khader dried her tears. Khader kissed Natalie and it was an entirely bouncy sensation, like a fangirl who's having a fangirl moment.

They spent the night having entirely bouncy sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

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