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05-03-22 07:06:12 PM
Jul - NO! GO TO STAR! - Um... you see, there's this woman New poll - New thread - Thread closed
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Bumwill

Shyguy
Level: 20


Posts: 4/82
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Since: 07-19-13

From: Paris to Berlin and every disco I get in... Infernal FTW! :D

Since last post: 8.5 years
Last activity: 8.4 years

Posted on 07-29-13 08:02:43 PM Link
As you guys should already know, I'm a divorced father of a nine-year-old son. Ok, I didn't tell you about the divorced bit, but never mind, you know now.

I've been divorced for about five years now. I haven't been in any sort of romantic relationship with anyone since, but I had been coping quite well. That's all changed however, as a couple of years ago, someone new stepped into my life. Back in 2010, I had got myself a new job of a support assistant in a school for young adolescents with communication difficulties, and that's when I first met this lady that I intend to talk about in this post (let's just call her EH, those are her enitials).

At first, EH would try to avoid me (she hated me back then because I would swear a lot, which I only ceased when I got a extreme scolding from the headteacher/principal of the school mid-2011, nearly losing my job), but then after I settled into my job late 2011, she finally spoke to me. She wouldn't do this often to begin with though, but as time went by, we talked to each other a lot more, and then by July (last year) we were chatting to each other every day at work, and at the end of the month when the school broke up for summer, we exchanged phone numbers. It was at this point when I started to fall in love with her.

When we returned to work in September, we somehow became best friends, and we would talk to each other about our lives. Then we decided to meet up outside of work, which we did, in November, to go and watch a film at the cinema. She seemed to enjoy my company, so we decided to meet up again later that month to go bowling. This led to us meeting up a lot more over the months leading up to now (I think the best one was when I took her out for dinner at her favourite italian restruant on her birthday).

About a month ago however, the school I was working at had recieved news that it would have to close down at the end of the academic year (well, my colleagues were quite dickheaded), at this point I realised that I really need to tell EH my feelings about her, that I love her, so we can get into a relationship and see each other more often. Don't get me wrong, I was meaning to tell her quite some time ago, but the problem was, that I believe that she would be much better for me than my ex-wife ever was (people even think that me and EH would make a lovely couple), so I've spent most of my time worrying about what would happen if she said no, as my life seems to revolve around her these days.

I really wanted to know if she loves me or not, so on the last day of work, I wrote her a letter with my feelings about her inside, and I gave it to her. She read it and told me she would text me later that evening. So now here I was, spending most of the evening lying on the bed with my phone by the bedside, feeling really lonely being the only person in the household (my son was having a sleepover at his friend's house), I was starting to worry that maybe I've said too much in that letter. Evantually she did text me at around 10PM, saying "Thanks for the letter ".

Although I was relieved that she got back to me, it didn't really go quite as planned. She now knows I love her, yet she hasn't told me if she loves me or not. I've got a really bad feeling about this. EH is a really shy person, but I don't see why she wouldn't tell me that she loves me (if she does) when I've told her that, so it's possibly possible that she doesn't love me, but she doesn't want to hurt me by saying that.

I don't know what to do with myself. I would ask her to go on a proper date or be in a relationship but I don't want to sound desperate. Also, we're meeting up again late August/early September, I really don't know if it's going to be safe to hold her hand, give her a hug, or even kiss her. Help me out of this hole someone. How can I get her to tell me if she loves me or not without making it sound awkward?
Kironide_
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Posted on 08-04-13 09:30:34 AM (last edited by Kironide_ at 08-04-13 09:31:10 AM) Link
Text her something like, "Are you free for dinner this weekend?"

You are not going to get a straight-up confession of love if you are living in a Western country in this day and age.
Bumwill

Shyguy
Level: 20


Posts: 18/82
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Since: 07-19-13

From: Paris to Berlin and every disco I get in... Infernal FTW! :D

Since last post: 8.5 years
Last activity: 8.4 years

Posted on 08-05-13 07:01:01 PM Link
I live in the UK. I wouldn't say that it is quite a western country (judging by a world map, although people might say otherwise).

We're both really busy over the Summer too, so it'll be hard to find a weekend to go out for dinner or something, like you suggested.
FieryIce

Luigi
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Since: 12-18-08

From: Chicago

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Posted on 08-06-13 12:45:23 PM Link
I kind of agree with Kironide ... my experience dating people from Western countries (and yes, Europe included) and Eastern countries has been that you don't really say I love you to someone from a Western country until a long time into the relationship. Of course, this is no big deal ... it's also not a big deal that she didn't say it; it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you that way, she's just not ready to say that to you. Judging from the response to your letter, I would say she likes you back and would like to continue dating with you.

My suggestion is to continue dating her, don't bring up the letter and just try to keep things "cool." Do not try to get her to tell you whether she loves you. As for what to do about the forms of intimacy you mentioned... In general, the rules I follow are:

1) If you're not sure you should do it, don't do it; you're not getting along well enough with her to do it.
2) Otherwise, make subtle hints (body movement) and pay careful attention to her response. This is an instinct; you should automatically be able to tell whether she's likely to let you kiss her/hold her hand/etc...
Bumwill

Shyguy
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Since: 07-19-13

From: Paris to Berlin and every disco I get in... Infernal FTW! :D

Since last post: 8.5 years
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Posted on 08-08-13 07:05:29 AM Link
Thanks for raising my hopes, FieryIce. I'll try to follow your instructions and hope for the best.

In the meantime, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't hurt to send her texts containing kisses.
Bumwill

Shyguy
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Since: 07-19-13

From: Paris to Berlin and every disco I get in... Infernal FTW! :D

Since last post: 8.5 years
Last activity: 8.4 years

Posted on 09-07-13 08:15:27 PM Link
UPDATE: I met up with EH again today to go have a picnic, a walk, and a drink at a couple of cafès, before she took me to see her house. Apparently she lives with her sister.

While EH left us to make a cuppa, her sister discussed with me about that letter I had given to EH, that the moment EH returned home from work, she went into her room to read it quietly. Her sister had come into the room to see her feeling really happy (at least that's what I think her sister told me) about the contents of the letter. She had then asked EH if she did love me too, but rather unfortunetly that very moment her two children burst into the room because they wanted their "Auntie EH" to play with them, so EH told her sister that she would discuss it later. She however, completly forgot to tell her!

Her sister decided not to mention anything about the letter to her after that evening, but she did tell me that EH had never thought of herself as a beautiful woman (I had mentioned in that letter about her beauty), and that no-one had cared about EH or ever tried to be special to her as much as I did. Now I'm getting the feeling that EH might love me too...
Just before EH returned with some drinks, her sister concluded the conversation saying "Only time with tell".

So I guess I should carry on dating and see if anything good happens then. Judging by what her sister has told me, I bet something will.

____________________
Ignore my username, that was my nine-year-old son's fault.
Bumwill

Shyguy
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Since: 07-19-13

From: Paris to Berlin and every disco I get in... Infernal FTW! :D

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Posted on 09-30-13 07:50:38 PM Link
UPDATE AGAIN: This sounds really crazy but I'm not sure if I love EH anymore...

You see, I met up with her again last Saturday, and she was just being irritating. God, she never had been so bossy! It's bad enough that I can't get her out of that shell she's hiding in. Don't know what to do with myself now, because of what her sister said to me:

EH had never thought of herself as a beautiful woman, and that no-one had cared about her or ever tried to be special to her as much as I did.

Would giving up on her be a cruel thing to do? We haven't texted each other since Saturday, but if I remain silent, would that make her suspicious? I wish not bring up any relevant topics to her, as it might completely throw her out of her comfort zone. Would we be better off just being friends? I might feel awkward about seeing her again, but if I don't, she'll be getting suspicious.

How can I get the best outcome, so we're both happy?
Lunaria

Moon Bunny! :3
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Posted on 09-30-13 08:28:49 PM Link
On one hand, basing a relationship on a lie is a bad thing; If the only reason you're not breaking up is that you don't want to be cruel then it's safe to say that that is a shitty base for a relationship.

On the other hand, if it was me I would straight up be honesty with my feelings and talk it over with her since I feel honesty is vital in a relationship.

On the third hand I have never been in a relationship so you might want to take my advice with a grain of salt. :p

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Bumwill

Shyguy
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Since: 07-19-13

From: Paris to Berlin and every disco I get in... Infernal FTW! :D

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Posted on 10-30-13 10:36:53 AM Link
Well, I've assumed now that this "relationship" is over. It hasn't been getting anywhere whatsoever. Besides, she hasn't talked to me for a month now, so I guess she didn't love me after all.
sofi

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Posted on 11-01-13 04:16:06 PM Link
I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be but if it were meant to be maybe she’ll think of you sometime and contact you. That’s just kind of the funny way relationships work. They can be slow to start and sometimes they don’t even happen. :T

____________________
Sofi posts are handcrafted in Seattle, Washington. Each one-of-a-kind post begins with a vision or dream and is the result of hours of research, drafting and revision.
Bumwill

Shyguy
Level: 20


Posts: 79/82
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Since: 07-19-13

From: Paris to Berlin and every disco I get in... Infernal FTW! :D

Since last post: 8.5 years
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Posted on 11-09-13 08:47:22 PM Link
I actually wish now that I could tweak my past a little, so this had never happened. I saw her tonight when I was at a party, though couldn't bring myself to approach her and chat. Instead I just felt pain crawling inside me, and so I decided to go home. I honestly think things are just falling apart now.

Nevermind, I just want this thread trashed now.
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