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09-18-18 05:10:21 PM
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Jul - Innocent Town - Have you ever thought about being another gender?
  
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Elemi
Posts: 366/366
Originally posted by Xenesis
I've thought about it at times, but looking back at it it has mostly come down to general body dysphoria, rather than gender dysphoria specifically.

I mean, that being said I have never really wanted to be particularly masculine with my gender. I guess the desired expression of my gender I wanted was "male but soft", I guess? I dunno how to put it into words.


This is literally the conclusion I have reached in these last weeks and my goodness does it feel good!

I think without places like this I might still be wondering and worrying.
Xenesis
Posts: 2525/2526
I've thought about it at times, but looking back at it it has mostly come down to general body dysphoria, rather than gender dysphoria specifically.

I mean, that being said I have never really wanted to be particularly masculine with my gender. I guess the desired expression of my gender I wanted was "male but soft", I guess? I dunno how to put it into words.
Jamie
Posts: 14/19
Yeah. On and off since about early 2016, though it's noted in my specialist doctor's letters to my parents that I'm suspected of having gender dysphoria after I mentioned it to them. Perhaps it's true feelings as they never went away fully, and they are pretty strong feelings indeed.

My parents don't accept me, but I'm planning to transition when I move out. Not sure how I'm gonna cope with it all though given I'm heterosexual (if you go by my assigned-at-birth sex) and perhaps maybe will ask a certain Nicole at college out, she's a heterosexual female sadly...

... relationships with others will be difficult. This is also the UK, so acceptance and getting through will also be difficult. But hey, if it makes me happy in the long run for who I am and I actually start expressing myself IRL how I want to, rather than having to fill in this stereotypical male personality somewhat (though I actually don't particularly do so, I feel men are more pressured emotionally and women more physically idk)

(Though I do plan to get with another MtF at some point who is actually an inactive member here.)

Seems the nearest gender clinic to me is in London. If I drive there I'll have to deal with idiot drivers (I'm learning to drive pretty soon).
sofi
Posts: 3817/3817
my new poll response is "[something about Judith Butler]"
Rambly
Posts: 2005/2008
Originally posted by Q
Wish granted

about damn time

Originally posted by Darkhero
Originally posted by Rambly
i wish i was a girl

Good news! You already are.

nope wrong >:(

Originally posted by Q
I'm up for talking with people about gender stuff if anybody feels like they need to talk to somebody about it.
ok i'll PM you
Q
Posts: 2887/2887
I'm up for talking with people about gender stuff if anybody feels like they need to talk to somebody about it.
Darkhero
Posts: 109/110
Originally posted by Rambly
i wish i was a girl

Good news! You already are.

As for me... A lot has happened since my egg cracked in July and I'm currently in the cycle of confidence followed by doubts and dysphoria, and it's been preventing me from taking any steps beyond small things here and in private. Doesn't help that I'm a broke college student.

Maybe I should talk it out with someone here, if I ever get the confidence.
Q
Posts: 2886/2887
Wish granted
Rambly
Posts: 1997/2008
i wish i was a girl
Rambly
Posts: 1957/2008
Originally posted by BatElite
Oh I know, and I hope in fact things turn out a bit more sophisticated for me at some point. It feels like I'm taking the piss at times, comparing how I judge things to others. :/

Gender as it relates to others is something I've been watching a bit from the sideline, learning as I go.

i think something that's important to know is that nobody else but you gets to determine how you interpret your feelings relating your gender, and how you designate your gender

gender is a personal thing. there's no "right" or "wrong" or "sophisticated" or "overly simple" way to experience it. be you, whatever that you is

(of course, if you feel like there's more complicated feelings there and you want to unravel them, by all means, keep exploring... but don't feel pressured into anything based on comparison to others)
BatElite
Posts: 154/170
Originally posted by Q
Originally posted by BatElite
*Stuff I might as well trim*

To be clear, if that's the most important aspect of it to you, that's okay. It's just good to understand that it's not the be-all end-all of gender for everyone.




Oh I know, and I hope in fact things turn out a bit more sophisticated for me at some point. It feels like I'm taking the piss at times, comparing how I judge things to others. :/

Gender as it relates to others is something I've been watching a bit from the sideline, learning as I go.
Q
Posts: 2874/2887
Originally posted by BatElite
Originally posted by Xkeeper
...the fact it's basically been reduced to "what parts do you have" / "what parts do you want to have" in most cases is p awful

Although I'm (hopefully!) better than that in general with other people that's more or less as sophisticated as my process goes at the moment... Hello there feeling like a fraud.

Maybe it'll get better as I get attuned more to these feelings.

To be clear, if that's the most important aspect of it to you, that's okay. It's just good to understand that it's not the be-all end-all of gender for everyone.

Peardian
Posts: 7401/7411
I had a dream about it once... It felt weirdly realistic, and I think my brain struggled to comprehend sensory inputs from my dream body's new features. (At least, I'm assuming it was a dream... )
BatElite
Posts: 150/170
By now I think the best I can tell is I'm genderfluid, tending to lean feminine a little more often. That is, I've been trying to log my feelings daily since late April and with many gaps earlier, I seem to do pretty well, now. Feminine/Female moods last longer.

Originally posted by Xkeeper
...the fact it's basically been reduced to "what parts do you have" / "what parts do you want to have" in most cases is p awful


Although I'm (hopefully!) better than that in general with other people that's more or less as sophisticated as my process goes at the moment... Hello there feeling like a fraud.

Maybe it'll get better as I get attuned more to these feelings.



Really enjoying the "fuck normality" vibes in here.
Darkhero
Posts: 96/110
More so than I used to admit, but that could also be because I'm unhappy with myself in other ways.

I won't go into detail right now since I have a hard time putting my private thoughts into words. Besides, it's my journey so I can take it at the pace I want. I just hope I end up happier.
Rambly
Posts: 1948/2008
i don't necessarily think labels are bad... describing things isn't a bad thing. but there's a difference between a descriptive label and a prescriptive label


the pathway to personal freedom and self-determination does not run through erasure of difference. division doesn't come from labels existing at all, it comes from assholes who further their own interests by artificially stoking flames of division. it comes from people that want power and choose to create hierarchies and exploit them for social capital. it comes from people that come up with extremely narrow definitions of what it means to be x, then police anyone who doesn't fit that definition


Originally posted by Xkeeper
i long for the day we can escape flesh prisons and be a virtual avatar that can look like whatever the fuck we want all of the time, so we can experiment with who we are and who we want to be


ugh, i feel that. i wish i'd had that option growing up. i experimented a lot by going into girl mode with a few intimate friends, having those friends gender me and call me girl names, doing stuff with my voice, etc. and while all of that filled me with an irrational joy, i still couldn't convince myself that i actually should go any further.


eventually i got the opportunity to get on HRT and i just... took it. and by that i mean my girlfriend pushed me a lot and she basically had to drag me kicking and screaming lol because i was so convinced "well what if i'm just faking it". i didn't know if it'd make me feel worse, or better, but i figured i had to try because nothing was working. but good LORD i'm glad i went. for some reason being on HRT for a while, and having the opportunity to present female IRL, crystallized my convictions that i'm a girl, i'm trans, always have been, etc. i'm way way more confident and self-posessed and just... happier, now.


plus i had the experience of missing E for a week and it made me feel horrible -- i didn't realize how horrible i'd felt the 26 years before HRT until i'd been on HRT for a year and then deprived of it some. good lord that made the contrast so super apparent


it also helps that i've flat-out rejected the idea that my more stereotypically "boyish" interests or personality traits make me less of a girl. i like geeky things like computers and video games and my typing style isn't SUPER girly, and some of my music taste has been lambasted as "guy music" (i'm getting back into prog rock lately lol) and etc. stuff like that used to make me question whether or not i was even a girl. eventually i realized interests and hobbies have fuck all to do with gender and i should just unapologetically like what i like and everyone else can just deal with it





anyways, i hope anyone in this thread who's sincerely questioning finds a pathway to happiness. everyone's pathway is a little different, and it takes experimenting and an open mind and time to figure out what your feelings mean and where they'll lead. i know this is cornball as all hell, but it really is a journey, and nobody but you can tell you what your endpoint is
Elemi
Posts: 346/366
I'm now quite happy just saying to people I am a non-conformist in all respects, people should just do the fuck what they want and stop worrying about all the other people who don't believe in progress and that this way might not be THE way.

Used to ID as genderfluid but I think that's not really accurate, more that I just do what I want, act feminine / masculine whenever, but prefer physically looking more on the femme side, I don't really think surgery is something that magically fixes things in the head but some are polar opposite on this opinion, I do employ herbal remedies like PM and Peony.


I am happy so many people here have more advanced ideas about how deep this goes into /
beyond psychology.

I hate labels mind you, just another way to divide and rule.
Xkeeper
Posts: 23358/23358
Originally posted by Xkeeper
it's basically been reduced to "what parts do you have" / "what parts do you want to have" in most cases

not here, mind, i mostly mean in the physical world where half of the population is bigoted assholes
Xkeeper
Posts: 23358/23358
gender is a huge ball of bullshit and the fact it's basically been reduced to "what parts do you have" / "what parts do you want to have" in most cases is p awful

i long for the day we can escape flesh prisons and be a virtual avatar that can look like whatever the fuck we want all of the time, so we can experiment with who we are and who we want to be


gender is a fuck

amen
marrub
Posts: 22/32
Originally posted by a tiny fairy
I've ID'd as genderqueer for as long as I knew that word existed, and I can't really point to any part of my life and say there was a meaningful "before".

I'm not trans and I sure as hell ain't cis, gender is a fuck


This I feel immensely. Nobody's ever not confused me for a girl, so I just roll with it. So.. now I just wear girls clothes, because they're more comfortable (literally and figuratively.)

I couldn't care less for whatever society might expect from me. I'm just a person, y'know? It makes me sad people feel the need to conform so much that they can't even feel like themselves.

Maybe my hippie blood is flowing a bit too hard.
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Jul - Innocent Town - Have you ever thought about being another gender?



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